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Well Here Goes Nothing

Hello so lets start from the beginning.
.When I was eight i tried on my sisters dress but was found out so never did it again..I then set all my levels so high that i never had sex so yes i'm still a virgin in that sense though i'm 43 this year.well most of my life i was a loner because i didn't really want to hurt anyone..but i got hurt by people any way because of my real last name and because i was a loner as well ..anyway a couple of years ago i saw a red dress in a shop while out with my parents on a day trip and nearly fainted this had me thinking wait me fainting over a dress..so i did research into this and realised i was transgendered..well this brought back to the fore what i had been ignoring all my life as i hadn't worn any dresses or done anything towards the female realm though i had been misarble and quite a few times wanted to end my life but my sense of living stopped that so carried on being misarble..Anyway I decided to join facebook then read a lot of stories on sites like fictionmania and stortysite.then having a breakdown at work a couple of years ago brought it to the for so told my co worker  at the time who is a woman..she pushed me to tell management and make me realise that it was nothing to be ashamed off..which i was very ashamed..i wanted to be a normal male and to find that you are a woamn inside albeit a young one didn't go down very welll with me and i had to come to terms with it.so i was fighting it in my mind trying to be male but in the end had to go to the doctor and ask her to push for me to have my sex reassigned...this was back in july lthe year before and  after a recent overhaul of these services by the local NHS Trust they have closed the local clinic and relocating it..this was because the national service had asked them to start doing assessments but the local mental health team didn't want to set a precedent so they ask for it to go to the head of the trust.. that happenned hence the mental health team now able to do these assessments.but waiting for the relocation to be done before they will do the assessment.I'm hoping i can pass and ddo the real life experience which will be scary for me as i don't want to be persieved as a guy in a dress when out..I want everything to be right.this i know from assessment to srs could be up to 4 years.But whil i have been talking to my Australian girlfriend in Australia..which is all subject in the female realm .she has informed me with all the talk i do that i'm normal but for a woman not a man..so  this is just something else  i have to contend with though i'm still partly in two minds about all this.so stil a way to go yet..I told my dads sister and my sister back in july last year and my parents a couple of months ago so they all know.The bit i'm worried about is the transistioning once i get past this and become female i won't have a problem.I have also promised some of my girlfriends a party once the srs is done as i want to go out with them to say thankyouand compete on there terms so a hen night if you want to call it that.
AnnMarie1a AnnMarie1a 41-45, F 15 Responses Nov 2, 2010

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Ok latest on this i've got second opinion in April 2013 in Bristol and Op possibly in September 2013 in Brighton

hmm i won't go to your level i'm afraid to say it's people like YOU that make this world so unbearable and thankfully i'm no monster and never has been and hell weel i've been there abd done that and wouldn't wish this on anyone..EVEN YOU,,,,<br />
,

Went to the clinic but was ten nmins late for the appointment as it took me that long to find the building as it was at the end of a row of terraced buildings and was the ground floor of it..to cut a long story short..she said she wasn't 100% happy with me but i will be getting another councilling appoitment and that i was in the system..her words not mine..she did also say during our talk that i might be given the option of having the hormones and then when i'm ready do the real life experience<br />
but thats in the future

Thankyou honey..thats all i want to be is show myself and not be behind a screen all the time..

...I think you have it all in hand. you will have to learn how to not even listen to those kind of people. They are all two faced. They say the sun is shining to one person and turn around and tell the next person it is dark. <br />
...If you do things to make yourself happy. then you will end up a better person. You have to be able to look in the mirror and be happy & respect yourself.If you can respect yourself then you can repect others. I am praying for you as much as I can. Be strong in your convictions. Solina

thanks i'm thinking along those lines but i have to be careful where i live though when things actually start moving then i'll have that to contend with as well as the teenagers around this way can be very spiteful to say the least...though people that don't know will be shocked as well..there a few of them around here..,I don't think the weather here ie cold and miserable would lend well to a dress or skirt so it looks like jeans or even tights but everything else,makeup/nail varnish..femal foootware etc i'm going to do ..if it's raining i'll just put my normal coat on..l

Honey, Show them how far you have gone. Show them they are not waistig their money. If you go as a man or 1/2 and 1/2 they will think it is a waste of money. If you go as a beautiful female they will think all they need is to finish the job. Go girl show3 themyou as a woman.Go get um...Solina

Thanks.again..just an update on this now have an appoitment for assesment for the funding..about bloody time to lol next week 3rd feb 2011 not sure how to go whether to go dressed or wether to use a combination of both

Dearest Ann MArie1a, Hi, Im Solina. I am a retired nurse. You should be getting hormones about a year before your srs. This way your skin and your body has a chance to go from male to female before your surgery. Nost doctors want you to live as a woman for 1 year before your srs. Oh well Dear even with all the help everyone can give you , you are still going to have a few problems in life as a woamn or a man. I want to tell you something an old nurse (I replacedin the hospital) told me. " We grow in mind and body by solvung daily problems". "The only real freedom we have is to make our own CHOICES". I think you will do very well as a woman. I am 5'4 ". The ponly problem I have is when I meet a taller woman I either have to stand on a chair to kiss her or she has to bend down to kiss me. I am a lesbian too A transwoman like you. I just cant have srs because my lungs aren't to good. The doctor that puts you to sleep doesn't want me to die. I dont blame him. But you will do fine. Just go ahead girl. and HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. Say to yourself..I CAN AND WILL DO IT" and then do it...Your friend Solina ps my real real name is Rebecca. yep a male with the name Rebecca Anne HA HA no not sue either....

As far as i'm concerned in my heart i am just trying to put it into action<br />
Mara

So deep down, are you a man or a woman? If there is any confusion what so ever, you must contend with who you are first. You must be completely comfortable with your decision to physically become a woman before you start taking hormones or considering SRS. There is no going back. <br />
<br />
I am a woman and I am married to another woman that I love very much. I want to transition but that would destroy what I love. What I desire within my soul is betrayed by what I love with my heart (l love my wife with an emotional heart, so to leave her for one desire would be to betray another one). I pray that someone day when I go to heaven I will have the body that I feel that I am meant to have. <br />
<br />
I hope you find what you are looking for.<br />
<br />
Best wishes<br />
<br />
Dearae

This is one of the most beautifully worded, and correct, views I've ever read.

Bravo,
Rachel

If you mean mentally that is still a confusing question as my female side wants out but i have to be conservative with it until i can do it 24 hours a day without anyone saying a thing ie body looks like one..once that happens then and only then will the mental side seize and i can think properly again about other things..there is ways they can give you a male part but you still won't be able to enjoy it the way a male can.though i think a womens sexual arousal is much better then a mans from what i have read....but thats my opinion so dont take it as gospel..even though at the end of this if and when it happens i will look like one and sound like one...i still won't be able to bear children like one and yes i do know about the huge pain that is and all the other aches and pains that go with it and i'd prob moan about it but it is part of being whole being a woman..<br />
but i will be able to experience the rest of it ...

oh, i do agree. and it will take time. i am starting to just think that maybe i'll be a dragking or something because its harder to have a male part then getting women ones from my research. but are things getting better? and thats a pretty name :)

I have a name yes It's on my main page but it is Marantha Anne-Marie or Mara for short..and at the mo i've just been letting it grow as its been short nearly all my life ..its nearly shoulder length now..at the end of the day all i want to do is correct a mistake made in the womb,so that my mind and body matches...which I think you would agree on that yourself...since I posted this nothing has happened and i'm still waiting.

to be living withsomething like that all that time and still being able to walk is amazing. :) i kindof wish i could give you my female parts (if that were possible) since i dont want them anymore...but by my age, i am obviously young and still in high school so me being a transboy is almost the worst thing, but i hide it well...but anyhow, you can do anything you want i belive that and im glad you have people backing you up, that great. you talk to me if you want ofcourse, i love making new friends. have you picked a name yet? and a hair style? those are the fun parts of this whole changing thing.