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I Am New At This.

I am new at this so I dont know if I want to be a true to definition transgender or not.  I do want something though.  I am tired of fighting it.  Ultimately I would love to live as a woman but I wont go that far because of family.  I know that some adive will be against my feelings and I will be happy to discuss that when it comes up.  I want to start dressing as a female more and eventually come out to my wife.  I do not like men and dont want the operation, just to have no body hair and have breasts.  Maybe pass as a very ugly woman, lol.  If I had been born a girl, I would have loved it but that didnt happen.  I am married and have 2 children so am not willing to hurt them.  Something else I want to mention is believe it or not I am not wishing I was a lesbian and am not having fantasies that way, just be a more feminine version of myslef.  Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.  Also if there is a more appropriate group i would love that as well.  Just want to reiterate, I am not in this trying to have cyber-sex with anyone, just true friends talking and helping each other.

Also, do some women truely dont mind this?  I know I have read the stories but have no previous experience with the lifestyle so dont know.  Also how does a person find a real life support group for this?
AmandaWhyte AmandaWhyte 41-45 5 Responses Dec 25, 2011

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I agree with the others that finding a good therapist is a vital starting point.<br />
From that perspective, your local GBLT advocacy group should be able to point you in the right direction.<br />
Your therapist will also help you with how to share with your wife about your therapy process without going into detail. In fact, it is completely normal for men to go through a stage in their life when they question their emotional world. Those that choose not to reach out for professional therapy to help them, inevitably put strain on their marriage and is often an underlying factor in affairs and divorce.<br />
Part of your process will also to have a hormonal balance test. The reason I say this is that since birth my body has hardly been able to produce testosterone, so I grew up transgender.<br />
Good luck on your emotional journey this year.<br />
Hugs<br />
Sammi

Just hung up with a Gender Therapist I am going to see on Thursday, so thank you for that. She happens to sit on the board of the local GLBT group and am planning on going to their next meeting. Whether it is hormones or not I am looking forward to someone I can talk to and will help me find my way in this confusing world.

Good luck for Thursday. Courageous first step. Hugs. Sammi

I do know where you are coming from . You really are stuck between a rock and hard place. I am transgender - a transsexual woman. How far you go with transition is totally up to you but I would advise finding a therapist.. Women often don't take it too kindly when their husband comes out and says he is a woman. Just ask my ex and many others too. If you do have one, then she is to be cherished. <br />
I started out where you are now but HRT has had its effects on me. I think differently to the way I used to., I look different (more feminine and becoming more each day). it has also affected my sexual preferences - yes I do like men too now.<br />
Regarding support, this is where the therapist can help if he/she is any good. <br />
I hope this has been some help and if you want to talk, just send me a PM.

Thank you, I missed your post some way. I have been doing a lot of research and am still looking for a counselor. There arent many in Delaware. I hope to stay with my wife but if something happens and I find someone else that I care for that way, I dont think I will care what sex they are. I cant sit here and picture a guy and seeing being attracted to him but if it happens it happens. I can see myself enjoying being held by strong arms, so that might be a start. I have found another great website for support and love having both to be able to refer to. It has a lot of information and resources and a lot of supporting people on their forum too.

I understand what you're going through. I'm female and I think like a man. I live in WV and I happened to find a great therapist. She is very helpful and supportive. If you don't find the right one for you, keep looking. It's worth it.

I had already decided not to transition before I spoke with my husband of 10 yrs. Feeling secure in my choice helped me stay calm and focused. Oddly enough, I avoided all the trans words. I don't know exactly which applies to me and I don't want him to think I'm something I'm not by mistake. I basically told him I have the spirit of a man in the body of a woman. He accepts me that way.

We also talked a few times about each of our limits - when to dress for myself, when for him or others, and how masculine I could look before he became too uncomfortable. We negotiated for what mattered most to us. We still need to work out some of the details, but we both feel better about ourselves and closer to each other for talking about it.

Please be careful, though. Take the time you need to make sure you can talk about it calmly. I think in my case, that made a difference. Good luck.

Thank you. Since I posted this originally I have found a Gender Therapist. I have also talked to my wife some but stopped when I could see that it wasnt going good. While she would "let" me crossdress it wouldnt be in front of the children and she wouldnt participate. Then she said that maybe I could go to gay clubs to make friends. I really appreciate your input and am looking forward to becoming friends.

you are heading down a long hard road<br />
and it do not think it is what you may be thinking<br />
<br />
for each step you take you will find another step you want to take<br />
<br />
i have walked this road a long time ago with my best friends granted it was a different case as we were just going back to how she was born and a doctor made the choice to SRS at birth<br />
<br />
butif you need to talk i am here<br />
<br />
few can stop once the start the road

LOL, it probably isnt what I am thinking and I probably will not end up where I think, but If I can be happy where I end up I will be satisfied. Thank you.

Thank you for the support purple. I still think I will get some couseling first before talking to my wife. I really appreciate the "nothing to be ashamed of" comment. Thanx again and hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.

You're welcome, just reading about this gender personality disorder thing the other day, you might want to read it too, just google it :)

Lol, I have been googling a lot lately. The internet is amazing, I can discuss my most embarassing issues with people that I normally would barely have the nerve to talk to without feeling like a perv.

I admit that I know very little about transgender, so I can't help much. But from what I've known transgender doesn't always mean you have to completely change psychically to opposite sex. You could be totally male, just have woman feeling, you know. <br />
One of transgender syndrome is androgyny, which could be mean you have same level of testosterone and estrogen level, for example,you've notice there is a man but he have some features like a woman, like soft skin, soft voice, like Leo diCaprio in Titanic. In some cases, you're man, but think emotionally like a woman. But you're still man, afterall. o you probably Androgyny. <br />
I personally find nothing wrong with that, you don't hurt people being transgender or androgyny. But others might have problem to accept it. Therefore you need tread this carefully. <br />
<br />
You can ask professional help, I believe there are gender personality disorder the therapy that might help. If you comfortable enough, confess to your wife,prepared that she might be freak out and shock. Convince her that you love her no matter what and you need her to get trough that. You might be can bring her along to talk to counselor. <br />
(I don't think its wise to talk to your children in early stages, especially if they are teen, teens tend to got wrong idea nowadays, start with your wife if you want to confess)<br />
Please don't feel ashamed with it. It kinda weird, yes, but nothing to be ashamed for. I hope you can get through it and your wife would understand. <br />
<br />
*Hugs*

Oh forget to add, transgender is totally different from gay and lesbian or bi thing. Transgender is transGENDER, emphasize in gender while gay and lesbian is sexual orientation. Hope I might help