I Want To Control It, And I Want It To Go Away

Now in today's society, most if not all girls, want a skinny, slim, slender, athletic, tall, toned, kinda guy. That is what I am trying to do, is to be the guy. Especially with the girls at my school, running from me. Yes, some girls locked their door, when they see me. Oh, how I wish I could show you a picture of myself. Then you can understand, my struggles. You can't never know what they see, until you see it for yourself. Since, 2003, all I did was gain weight, see a nut doctor, lose some weight, and then gain more weight. I used to eat 2 value meals at Wendy's. I used to eat a Burger-joint called Culver's. My dad was a very, very, bad influence on me, he gave up, and he gave up on his health. It seem like he wanted me to fail with him. I will always hate him for it, and never will forgive him. I will NEVER, EVER forgive him, for ruining me. Now, I can't get a girl, if I speak, then she pretend like she don't hear me. I say Hello, loud enough, any higher, I would be screaming. Then the guys seeing it, and they shake their heads. That when those guys think that I am not straight. And I am 100 percent straight. I have spoke to girls, when I walk directly at them and they just shift their head, like they heard something, but yet they didn't hear it. Now there this girl in my Computer Science class, and Calculus 1 Class. She always on the cell phone, with a guy. So that is telling me that she isn't interested in me. Because she always talking to a guy, and she laughing with him, and then she tells him where she at, and what she's about to do, and sometimes say you can come pick me up. Then she walked in the classroom, yesterday with a guy, and then he left, What am I supposed to do, after seeing that. I go to a ******n evening school. It is like 10 people, in a small *** lab. Then in my calculus 1 class. There this other girl, and she on the phone, laughing, talking this and that to a guy on the phone. So by these girls on the phone all the time, it is obvious these girls are taken. So I am like in a bind with everything.

chicago54 chicago54
22-25, M
4 Responses Feb 23, 2010

@doe333, Masturb..... damages your body, you're not supposed to do it. It is not a problem, doesn't make it healthy.

**********. Every day. Before you go out.

@toxiclove. Basically when you say talk to someone, you basically say get off the computer and make some friends. Unfortunately, the friend I have is 19 years old. He's too young to deal with my issues, and with that, I have 1 associate, and he is like 45 years old. Then if I try to meet friends, they do the same thing as girls, and they reject you in a positive way. Like they don't feel like giving out their phone number, or their email address. I need to find out their ages, but they are probably older than me. I need friends ages 23-28 years old. I usually take my father's car to College, and he has the parking sticker in his car. It costs 4 dollars each time, to use a one-day permit. My mom gets very fidgety, about her car. My dad wants to work 5 hours of overtime, after 7:30 a.m. So once again he is being very selfish. I don't like it at all. Because I just want to go to school, and try to join some programs, but even friends judge people based on appearance. Right now, I am looking very fat. It is 20 degrees, with snow on the ground where I live. I just want someone real to talk to right now. I am so used to talking with myself. Trying to pretend to live a normal life, you know.

Move on? seriously life's too short to waste your time on a girl who is not into you. Just because your father was a failure doesn't mean you have to go down the same line. Find help,talk to someone about your problems. Make yourself happy first. Don't do stuff just because others want you to be what they want.