I'm Writing Right Now... But It'll Be Done Soon

Its always there in my head. Unless I'm directly distracted my something I'm immediatly doing I can feel it at the back of my mind.
In social situation as soon as I'm not involved in a conversation I'm thinking of scratching the healing scars or of why I did it. Whether I regret them or not. Can anyone see them? Who might notice? What will they think?
If I'm uncomfortable I might start scratching myself, or picking the scabs to get fresh blood out or cause pain.
By myself I'll just pick up the knife, start mucking around with it. Scrape it across so it leaves a mark like to much scratching. Mayb cut a few shallow cuts like a sting.

I plan ahead, where I'm going to go. When I'm going to do it. How much I'm going to do it.
I've made myself think I've got to do it once a week. But the urges come more than that. I suppress them so they come out in one massive go.
I'm already planning. These ones will go on my shoulders and side. A few more on my leg as well.
I had a vision recently of them on the side of my neck. I won't get away with them here so I've got to wait until I do that.

AgeonAngel AgeonAngel
18-21
2 Responses Jul 22, 2010

I just managed to stave it off, I don't know how long for though<br />
<br />
I listened to loud music! My choice is heavy metal and screamo because it quiets what I'm thinking.<br />
Also walked in the middle of a thunderstorm. <br />
Worked really well. Its not gone though. I can feel the tension in the pit of my stomach, its only a small couple of steps towards it.

there are many people that feel like you do.Im trying not to cut myself right now.I so much want to cut