I Want to Cut Myself Now
I have been cutting since I was thirteen years old. Never to die but as a release
for my pain. I love it. I control it. I have learnt ways so I don't scar and then people don't
notice. In saying that tho in the early days I would just slash away and I have scars from
that. But now when things get too rough I cut my thighs (less obvious than arms) and when
I see that blood... best feeling. I used to cut up to twenty times a day. Now its one outburst
every six months or so. I have never done a year without cutting. My family is aware I
have done it but noone knows I still do it ten years later. its my secret addiction and I
see nothing wrong with it. I do not want to die and it is how I cope with things that
happen. I prefer physical pain I can see and control than emotional pain that can't go
anywhere. Its as if the blood is the emotional pain taking a physical form and escaping.
As soon as I see that blood I am relieved. I used to hate it hate harming myself. But now
I realise it is hoe I cope. I try not to do it often but it is addictive and I do love the feeling
I know its not right but I don't want to die and realistically am not causing anyone harm
except for myself,in the long run I think it helps better than most things. This is in my
opinion and for myself.
for my pain. I love it. I control it. I have learnt ways so I don't scar and then people don't
notice. In saying that tho in the early days I would just slash away and I have scars from
that. But now when things get too rough I cut my thighs (less obvious than arms) and when
I see that blood... best feeling. I used to cut up to twenty times a day. Now its one outburst
every six months or so. I have never done a year without cutting. My family is aware I
have done it but noone knows I still do it ten years later. its my secret addiction and I
see nothing wrong with it. I do not want to die and it is how I cope with things that
happen. I prefer physical pain I can see and control than emotional pain that can't go
anywhere. Its as if the blood is the emotional pain taking a physical form and escaping.
As soon as I see that blood I am relieved. I used to hate it hate harming myself. But now
I realise it is hoe I cope. I try not to do it often but it is addictive and I do love the feeling
I know its not right but I don't want to die and realistically am not causing anyone harm
except for myself,in the long run I think it helps better than most things. This is in my
opinion and for myself.
By:
cutter10
Age:
22-25
