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Why?

I don't know why? Why I write why I'm here why I feel like this
Why I have to be the one.
I have a sister and she was was hit by my mom and I was not
There to help her to protect her why did I not know the fighting
Was so bad why did I not ask her I feel like some how I was the one at foult
I know I'm not but I was not there
I moved out and now live with my dad bacause she hit me a few good times
And I thought my sister would be ok because they never fought it was always me and mom
My mom set very Strict rules that were so hard to meet that I would often get in trouble
Not seeing the signs that my mom and sister were fighting to the extreme makes me want to cut my self even
More I tryed not to talk to my mom and it worked for about a week but then she kept calling
So I answered and she told me that this matter is between me and your sister not u but it's is right im
The sister I'm the one who needs to protect her why did this happen why to her yes she has her
Problems but every one does I want to cut to get rid of the pain but what if something goes wrong and I..... Die
Who is going to take care of her but I just want to do it so bad it's getting harder I don't know what to do
So if any of u have anything helpful please tell me
NoOneInSide NoOneInSide 16-17, F 2 Responses May 6, 2012

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It's best to do what ever you can to help your sister. Also, instead of cutting try scratching, or try doing it to places that don't bleed easily: Bottoms of your feet, ringers, belly.<br />
You have to do everything you can to refrain, destruct yourself, or 'loose' yourself in something. Like a t.v. series, or music, or service to others. Anything that you can easily just get lost in. Then you can live, be functional and live for and help your sister.

oh my god it is not you who is in the wrong surely you know this get the social on to your mom and get your sis living with you and your dad. you are her sis and you love her she knows this, none of this is your doing. if things are that bad get some outside help to get your sis to live with you, you can control cutting yourself and you feel it relieves you of some guilt...none of which you should feel in the first place....but tell me how exactly does it help apart from a few moments inside your head. no amount of cutting yourself will sort the situation and if your dad knew how would it make him feel? there are probably a lot of people around you who love you and would be hurt if they knew you were hurting yourself cause when you do it you hurt everyone who loves you too, its almost like pysically doing it to them as well. please do not blame yourself for something which is not your fault and seek professional help with regards to the situation with your sister, wish you all the best take care of yourself..... you have to in order to help others.