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I Have No Emotion Left

I started to cut just a little while ago, but it didnt take me long to draw blood. i have so many scars already. i cut because i dont want to feel emotion but ive cut so many times that now i cant feel happy because i know once i start to feel happy when it goes away ill feel pain and want to cut. right now i want to cut so badly. i tried talking to my friend about it. she cuts too. but she made me promise to stop. that was two days ago. since then i have already cut a few times. i need to find a way to stop, for her. but i need to cut soon, or ill feel that emotion again. all the pain will come back. i dont want to feel that pain. i want to feel the pain of my skin being broke...
borisherc borisherc 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 2, 2012

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I have the same problem, I don't think it's a severe but I know how you feel, it's like you're trying to kill the thing inside you causing you pain...(at least that's how I feel) it's such a relief, but it's not healthy, I've had to fight tooth and nail to keep scissors away from my arm, I have arm wounds healing right now, I know it's hard but you're doing the right thing by reaching out, try finding another friend or loved one you can trust who you feel won't judge you and talk to them when you want to cut yourself, try to focus on what you're feeling when you want to cut, try to decipher what you're emotions are trying to convey, it's the scariest thing but you have to face what your emotions are trying to tell you, it's the only way to begin to heal. If you have the means I HIGHLY recommend a counseler/therapist, I'm getting ready to go back to therapy, if nothing else, keep posting here and venting your feelings/frustrations/fears, this is a no judgement zone.

well thank you. i would do therapy but im not good with opening up speaking wise to strangers. like writing i could do all day, but face to face im like a turtle in his shell. and i don't want to talk to my mom about it cuz i don't think i could go to therapy without her paying for it or something but thank you that does help, doesn't make me feel as alone

Good, I'm glad you at least feel like someone else understands, sometimes that alone helps a lot. I know it helps for me too. I know it's hard, but maybe if your mom is the supportive type, then maybe you can at least start by talking to her, I know it's hard for therapy but I would really try it at least, they're very supportive, non-judgemental and it's very helpful. Try writing a letter to your mom, even if you never give it to her, or journaling, just get it out of your system if you can.