I Can't, I Promised I Wouldn't.

I have depression and the only thing that I've found that calms me down is cutting myself. For me it is either cut or kill, but I havn't cut in over 2 months. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and he knows everything about me, about my past, about my suicide attempts, and about my cuts and why I do it. He talked me into seeing a counselor and I was on meds but they just made me sick. I am still having terrible thoughts and I want to do it so badly, but I promised him I wouldn't and I don't want to hurt him, I love him more than anything and it will literaly kill me if i lose him. I don't know what to do.