I Want to Cut Myself Now
I have really, really bad, bad, bad habits. I need to stop cutting and burning myself. but I can't. I am not sure why. Some people said, I am addicted. Some said, I just don't want to stop, and that is sorta kinda true. When I am cutting myself, I feel normal, ya know? More alive. When I am not able to cut, and I really want to, I feel dead, and kinda like, not human...And then I cut again, and everything goes back to normal...
Why can I not be normal? A good person? I don't like me. Actually, I hate me. I wish I was dead. But, I will not do it tonight. A man ,here on E.P. was so nice to me yesterday that I cried (Not bad tears) No one is ever nice to me. And he had never even talked to me before. I bawled like a baby He made me feel good about me. And, I told him I would do my very best to not kill myself. I am doing my very best not to. I told him,No promises. Because, every time I promise not to hurt myself, (I get even more tempted and) Iend up doing it. So I would not promise, and set myself up to fail.
I am really trying hard not to do it. Oh, because I want too. He deserves at least that much. As nice as he was to a freak like me. I am a freak. And, I hate me sssooo much. But, He made me feel better than I had in YEARS. I will at least give him that much.....
