I Need Something/someone

 I feel like my stomach is doing somersaults. I've restrained myself for four months now, the longest I've stopped ever. Now its just in my head all the time. My head is just feeling fuzzy, I can't concentrate. I've been leaning on my tattooist as a form of self harm (and covering up my scars) but I can't rely on him anymore.

Its just gone too far, spiraling downwards. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about is bleeding, all day and much, much worse in the evening and night. I lie in bed, desperate to sleep, knowing if I bleed I will sleep, knowing if I bleed I can clear my head.

I just don't know why I don't just do it, it'll stop me thinking about it. Butterflies and red marker aren't working anymore.

I just wish I could get all the stuff thats swimming around in my head out. I just wish I had someone here to talk with, someone who'll listen to me instead of judge me. With everything that has been happening in my life in the last few months I don't know how much more I can handle anymore. This isn't going to happen, my only other alternative is to bleed!

amigoodenough amigoodenough
36-40, F
1 Response Feb 24, 2009

hey i understand how you feel ive stopped for about 2 and a half months and its in my head 24/7 i love thinking about it and bleeding constantly if you need anyone to talk to im here