Ever since I was really little, I've said that I wanted to be a boy when I grew up.  My mom just took it in stride thinking it was "just a faze".  When I was in grade 8, I wrote a penpal letter stating to the girl writing me that I wanted to be a boy.  So my teacher took me to the principle.  She told me that it wasn't normal, and that I couldn't send it to the girl.

My friend says this is when I really started to act funny.  Like I was repressing something.  Now, I'm still uncertain, but she says she's seen it coming for a long, long time.

I enjoy pretending to be a boy on-line, going to online chats pretending to be a gay boy and flirting a little with the guys there.  All the characters in my head are male and I am far more comfortable "playing" a male character in rp's than female ones.  I....  Hate menstruating, and get rather flustered and annoyed by it.  I mean, it feels like my body is betraying me everytime it does.


I'm uncertain, as I already said.  Most of the time, I get this very dissatisfied feeling when I'm reminded I'm female.  =(  I have never really been very interested in "girl" stuff.  Unlike my friend, I have never been into make up.  Nor have I ever really been very girly when I shop with her.  I don't feel that it is right for me to be interested in it.  My brother tells me I am a brother in the way I act.  :/  But the thing is, I don't FEEL like I am trapped in a female body.  I just...  EXHIST in it.

Balentay Balentay
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 10, 2010

I would trade you in a hearbeat if only I could. my mother also thinks of my sexuality as a faze. I can totally relate to that.

I realized long ago, my brain knows exactly who I am ... a woman. So I was born in the wrong body, my birth defect. I don't need to look in my trousers to 'figure' out who I am. I know!<br />
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Sounds like you know too. Be safe and seek to learn more. Talk with others who have been through the same journey as well as professionals. Talk with family and friends and always try to explain you are you, regardless of the outer wrapping. Most of all accept yourself, fully. Be comfortable in your won skin.<br />
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Best wish on your journey.

Don't try to think gender think you,what I mean is wear and do things you want,don't try to conform to "the female role" and be happy with yourself don.t worry what others think