I Just Want To Die.

I am a college student, with a girlfriend, good grades, a nice place to live, and a great family. I have above and beyond all the tools necessary for someone to become successful and have a happy life. Yet for some reason I want to die more than anything. It's bizarre, I have absolutely nothing to be sad about, I just can't shake the feeling of wanting to end it all.
I feel inadequate in every way and shameful about the type of life I lead, full of self loathing and selfish behavior. I don't have to try very hard in school, while my brother struggles and witnesses me indulge in drugs and alcohol. I don't take good care of my body, however I am naturally gifted and don't show signs of being out of shape. Internally I am such a piece of ****, but everyone thinks I'm doing great.
The only reason I haven't killed my self is that I couldn't do that to my family or girlfriend. I just don't know whats wrong with me. I fantasize about dying of natural causes from cancer to getting t-boned by a drunk driver. I want out so bad it sickens me. I hate myself for hating myself, I am a worthless self-pitier who can't pull the trigger.
cantevenpickagoodname cantevenpickagoodname
18-21
Nov 28, 2012