Packed And Ready..

I won't kill myself but I will think about it... Way too often. I accually go through my stuff every few months to get rid of exess so that if I die It won't be hard to get rid of my useless ****. If it wern't for my boyfriend and his daughter I would just drop everything but the clothes on my back and just walk away die in some deserted forest or more likely a ditch. I feel useless, I have no functional memory to speak of and I have no useful talents. If I dissapear only 3 people on this plant would know. And then only 1 of them would miss me. I'm not hateful but I guess I'm too understanding.Apparently it's annoying to hope for the best in strangers. People that I try to become friends with just get bord of me and my less then exicting life. I want a reasonable amout of peace. I try to find some kind of reason to be happy each morning. More often then not I just fake it so I don't annoy people. I want to hurt myself for being so stupid and thinking that maybe tomarrow it would be diffrent. I'm just so sad with the way I see the world. I'm pretty sure that I'm completely screwed up because I find myself betting(or maybe wishing) for an apocalypse. I try to blame it on what is on tv but I think it may be the people that I see daily. I see people trying to hurt each other for sport and laughing about others diffrences. I speak up for them try to conve? a peaceful outlook but the more people I meet the more I see everyones indiffrence to everyone else. I feel like a homeless person in my house. And now I'm compaining about every little thing here. This Is my first time ever telling anyone about any of this. I don't know what to do with all of these thoughts. They circle in my head daily. I do try to see some kind of brighter side to things but it doesn't do anything. I'm kinda hoping that sharing this may help.
c4tscr4tch c4tscr4tch
22-25, F
Dec 4, 2012