Why Bother Anymore?

I am 59. My fifth marriage is in the process of ending. I have created one child who wants nothing to do with either me or his mother (1st wife). I have raised a girl and a boy who want nothing to do with me (2nd wife). I lost my career in the USAF due to a disability. I lost my career in the insurance industry due to a massive heart attack and a mild stroke. I lost my career as a therapist because I would not play the "Game" and violate a patient's privacy rights.

Now I live in what I consider to be the most beautiful place in the world. But, I over extended my finances trying to please my fith wife so I have no money to go or do anything. Keep in mind that she asked for very little personally and took nothing yet I spent trying to provide for her and she has left to go back to her children (ages 16 and 13).

I have a motorcycle that I love to ride but it is a big cruiser and it is built for a rider as well as an operator. My back seat is always empty. Now it is down for repairs that I cannot do myself nor can i afford to have them done. I have several vehicles in my drivewear. The only one road worthy now needs brakes that I cannot afford.

So here I sit day after day month after month with no money to go anywhere, no friends to talk with and no family anywhere nearby.

Day after endless day with no one to interact with and it would appear no one that really cares.

Whats the point? ... Why bother anymore?
JustAnotherOldMan JustAnotherOldMan
56-60, M
3 Responses Sep 12, 2012

Sounds like your integrity has caused you difficulty. I relate. Seems you have a home and live in a beautiful place. I envry that, as you would envy I have a loving spouse. But seems neither of us has enough. Life is a terrible thing.

Sell some of your cars and get the repairs done. I wish that I had half of the resources that you have.

What I am going to say you wont like, I feel like kicking you up you butt.<br />
You have been married 5 times when I have not been married once, how many times where you married in your late 40s. I would think 4 times.<br />
My 'dad' was married 8 times and I am from his first and I dont want anything to do with him either. if fact he is dead and I have not seen him for the last 25 years, I only found out that he died through the grapevine that he was dead. I have not even gone to his grave or wish to.<br />
When I found out that he was getting married for the second time I wished him well and for him to realise his mistakes then I broke contact with him.<br />
Next thing I know many many years later that he has been married 8 times and the second wife left my country and took his two boys with her as well to get away from him. Two half brothers whom I have never met or likely ever too because of him.<br />
I was so heartbroken to find that he was married 8 times, 8 times he didn't learn a thing. One other broken family after he destroyed mine, what about the other 6, I don't know.<br />
So what does that make me who has never married, my first thought is that I am a loser, worse than him. At least he wooed 8 woman to jump into bed with him and marry him.<br />
I have not had a partner in years.