My Life's a Joke

I have nothing in my life anymore. I used to have it all, what happened i ask myself often. What happened to the old, fun, popular me? These days I dont have much. I come home from work and take the dogs for a walk, go to the gym, and watch tv and play on the computer. Thats ****** it. Thats my life, day in and day out. I've severed ties with all my old friends but mostly they've done it to me. Maybe its because every person I know thinks I'm gay. You know, it's the most annoying thing in the world when everyone thinks you're gay and actually treats you differently as if they knew for a fact you were. At least I know I'm not, but either way it affects me deeply that even my family thinks this. There has been alot of rumors about me and alot of people talked alot of gossip about me at one time, possibly to this day, I dont know. Because of all this,  i've lost my self esteem, and I'm sure thats why I am in the current state of mind right now. My life has been up and down, and up and down. Right now it's down and usually there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I dont see one this time. I'm terribly, terribly alone... I have nobody... I dont think I will ever find happiness sometimes... i'll probably always been known as that gay guy in people's eyes, and I ****** hate all them for it and what they've done to me. I need real friends. I need a great life. I need happiness. I need to start over. But I need serious mental help... someone please talk or help me? Thanks.. bye...

echo16 echo16
18-21, M
17 Responses Feb 22, 2009

When you don't expect anything anymore. You can't be disappointed

Crap your depression out....just **** it out

become a film director.

become a film director.

sometimes i just sit in a corner to cry asking god if he is enough cruel to keep me alive i sit in the darkness looking my photo album to remember better days and i ask why?<br />
why me why my childhood was ruined why i never had a normal life why they hurt my feelings and why i cry alone.<br />
but answers never come.<br />
now i hate ppl i hate to see their happy faces below the siny sun while im crying in the lone darkness i feel envy.<br />
and i really think that i am in all the right to kill myself <br />
but......................<br />
i sit in the rain awaiting the sun to shine.<br />
maybe im a fool maybe just brave..<br />
and after 11 years of suffering and cries i still hoping that tomorrow will be different.

about love.<br />
sorry wat u mean love wats that i dont know wats that.<br />
those are my thoughs about love i meeted girls that at the end just used me and when i wanted to talk again with them they said sorry who are u . the only girlfriend i had was my sister when we played to the kitchen and a girl tcalled michelle when i has 6 now girls are just untouchable and beautifull creatures.

to shine but it never happened i found miself alone in my room and became fat because i never got out just for school and so but ppl got another reason to mistreat me even they romoured that i was gay because i didnt liked the soccer and i wasnt able to fight ii i just cryed when someone camed to hit me because they dont like me .<br />
the only time i went to party was because i felt stronger and brave but.....<br />
guess wat i goes bad bullies came to say hey look here is the scarhead and of course i didnt danced any at the end i just lied downon my bed to cry. but thath wasn`t the only time i did it

mine is a bad one (Joke) <br />
I used to be a happy kid with no problems and good friends but....<br />
4/06/1999 <br />
i was lying in my moms bed I fall asleep & suddenly i woke up in a hospital with a terribly headache and was thath i felt off the bed and then the Tv felt on my head causing a tumour thath was removed by a surgery in were i almost die i recover from it then the nightmare begun <br />
because i got 3 big scars on my head people staed at me like i was a circus freak and i always used to be an hyper active kid with a lot of energy and doing monkey bussines and everyone admired me and told me u re cool but since my surgery ppl said: poor kid he is probably retarded mab the surgery in his head destroyed his brain ( so unfair =( )<br />
my friends got away the teachers and ppl that one day got me as a charming, cute and adorable/smart kid , just looked and treated me like i have never exist and all was gone .<br />
At high school i was victim of abuses/swearing and every day i just sitted in the rain waiting to the sun to

get invovled in martial arts

life can be hard sometimes. everyone else appears to be happy or in love or have more friends, family or a better life than you. the fact is most people have days like this, get some happy music on, more hobbies to find more friends and eventually you will find contentment though i'm still looking too.

I am assumming there was some sexual issues done to your sisters. If so i am sorry to hear that but you are not your father nor should hold the weight of his mistakes on your shoulders. You may need to seek help with understanding your fathers actions. Please dont give up on yourself in the mean time.

I don't know I can get out this time. <br />
<br />
I am so hurt and the pain has zapped all my energy and strength that I just want to go home and sleep but I am scared to even sleep for long periods anymore. I am starting to have to fight to stay awake.

What I was told was the truth which is why it makes me sick. <br />
<br />
I can't look myself in the mirror anymore though. It just hurts me to know what my dad did to my oldest sister and probably my other sister as well and how much I look like him just makes me feel sick. <br />
<br />
I have on friend who has stuck with me through the entire thing and is still as it isn't over yet. <br />
<br />
I am messed up myself right now.

Please go and talk to a trained professional who can help you. In the meantime, we're here to help. If you want to talk, message me/<br />

Dont give up just do your best to get out of the hole that you are in. We have all been included. But, there are things to live for and futuer to think of. Dont let the rumors get to you. You know the truth and can look yourself in the mirror. Start trying to make new friends because sounds like the old ones were not true friends. Big difference.

For some it does help but not always. It hasn't for me. I have been through so much in so little time that I have thought about just ending everything more than once. As you can see I haven't but I am hardly holding on. <br />
<br />
If I hadn't found my birthmom and her mom I would have I think but still I am holding on by a thread.<br />
<br />
If you need to talk I am here for you.

Seek medical attention from a qualified professional. It does work!!