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I Just Want to Go to Sleep and Never Wake Up

I'm tired. Out of touch with the world. Overwhealmed. Can't keep up. 

RubyTewes RubyTewes 31-35, F 21 Responses Jun 15, 2009

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me also. I want my soul to float to heaven in the presence of God!!

Kiss from anonymous

So I don't even really know what to put all I know is that Im 18 and really don't want to be here anymore. Im sick and tired of life, I try so hard to put a brave face on but Im hurting too much. My brother was killed on tour and from then life hasn't been the same, my real dad used to abuse me mentally and physically which has scared me in a way and now all I want to do is go to sleep. My baby cousin died recently and I think its tipped me over the edge. My parents and family aren't there for me at all and I don't have anywhere else to go. Im just fed up of it all now and want to be happy again like other 18 year olds.

me too

So many days I feel the same way. There are some things I would miss in this world, but overall I just don't know.

My heart went out to you when I read your story as I too what to die and just be with my parents. There is nothing for me here.

responses in order: none of us do. we all do. we all are.
The only reason i dnt kill myself is that wot if its just the same after, but there isnt any tv.

Sweet children of God listen this world can be mean. There is evil and good. Know that there is someone looking out for us his name is Jesus, I know sarrow and pain that this world can bring. But please listen the peace and joy that I have come to understand is from the one who died for us. Go to a church that teach's about Jesus Christ it is not about our perfection or goodness it is about his. Do not be scared that you are not good enough learn and listen you will find out for yourself. Jesus says he will always be with us those who call on him, call on him now and be at peace.

death is peace, something lacking in reality.

if you ever need a friend who knows how you feel and has attempted suicide twice I am here on yahoo and msn still have down days but meds help

If 200+ xanax didn't kill me I don't know what would. I've tried at least 5 times with pills and ended up one time in the hospital. My life from the start was filled with abuse by acoholics, my dad who molested me, my first husband who beat me, my second husband who kicked holes in walls and threw glass at the fire place and then made me get down on my hands and knees to pick up the pieces. After my second husband died, the first person I dated was also an alcoholic, surprise, surprise, and ultimately admitted that he was having an affair when we were a couple. For 14 months, lately I inadvertently met someone who I thought was a "good guy" and we spent 14 straight months together day and night traveling the world. We were out of each others sight between trips for 7 days because we live in different states, I left alone for 7 days to take care of business and of course, he was an alcoholic too, and on 12/23/11 he admitted he'd been having an affair which started the day after I left and he was "in love". Put an alcoholic within 100 miles of me and he'll find me. I care not about my house, going outside, cleaning up, making friends, talking. My kids are grown and out of State, my grandchildren are grown. I tried this last attempt on Christmas; I was more than shocked to wake up as if nothing had happened fully functioning. I should not have. I was more than disappointed. I am speaking taking over 100 2 milligram, not the low dosage xanax. Why oh why do I have to be here. I will never trust anyone again; I don't want to make the effort. I am a senior citizen. Why can't we decide when we die. I have been depressed since my late teens; it is a family malady. My grandmother had shock treatments. This is not going away and no matter what meds my doctor gives me to remedy the situation, I am subject to "shocks" in my life. I've seen a plane crash, I've been shot at by my ex; I have PTSD, OCD, my mind is my worse enemy. My genes suck and I just want to get out of here. I would like to go to sleep and if I wake up which unfortunately I usually do which makes me all the more depressed, take some sleeping pills, go back to sleep and repeat that cycle. I've done all I have wanted to do in this life. I am not an unkind person to others. I don't go out and beat up on people emotionally or physically. In fact I am the great pretender. If I go out or if I have to go out, I put makeup on, dress appropriately and act normal. Not many know of my malady. Anyone who knows me, knows I suffer from depression so when my phones are off, they know. I get back to them but I grew up in another State from where I live. I know only one person where I have recently moved to thankfully. I've asked this person to back away. I want to be a recluse. The person does not always listen but my door is triple locked. I don't want to see anyone, hear anyone, be hurt anymore by anyone, nothing. This is my prison and each time I've tried to get rid of myself, it was pills. I think my system is so overloaded with pills that it does not respond to any, not even the anti-depressants. Everyday I pray is the last day for me but "no" I wake up again. It is a very boring life.

Are you still there ?

indian5 I so feel your pain.

Indian, I understand and feel your pain. :'(

I feel the same way lots of times . I feel I really wouldn't be missed by anyone. I have been married for 38 years, but every time we have a minor disagreement he says he wants out. I am tired of having to hold things in because of the way he reacts. I just want to curl up like a baby and sleep..

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I am suffering with my wife and their relatives. They behaves very rudely for each silly matters. Now i want to die. i am follower of Jesus. I have a believe that Jesus will save me. But some time i loose it. I am totally VEXED in this human life. If there is any other life in future to me, definetely i will not marry any one. I Just want to live single without wife.<br />
<br />
please send me reply and save me immediately.<br />
This the day of 20th May 2011, 8.31 PM.<br />
Iran.K.S

it's time for a divorce. divorce may sound evil but it can also be a necessary evil if you are torturing yourself. when one door closes another door opens.

Dear Ruby, <br />
It's spelled overwhelmed.

Someone is contemplating suicide and the only thing you have to offer is a spelling correction? What an ***. Why don't you go kill yourself instead.

if you want to talk my email is b.shade@yahoo.com

hello my name is brandon and im 16 when i was a kid my parents were real bad drug addicts and alcohol abusers they used to fight physicaly every day and night i watched them punch, kick, stab, even my mom tried to light herself on fire in front of me and my 2 brothers. thats lasted till i was about 12 then my grandma came and took me. for about 2 years i lived with her while that time my parent got out of jail and cleaned up so they could take me back. will they did so they took me back about a year ago. will everything was great i loved my parents so a year goes by and everything was good until one day i came home from school i was expecting to find my mom but when i got there i couldnt find her no where her car was still there so i new she couldn't have gone to work yet so i kept looking will i came around her bed were there was a little path to the closet. and there she was motionless on the floor and all i wanted to do was wake her up i kept moving her and screaming but she just wouldnt wake up. she had died i didnt know what to do at all i just cried. so a 3 days went by and we had her funeral. exactly one week after her funeral my dad got put in the hospital. and he never told me what was wrong he acted like everything was great until the day i was going on vacation with my grandma he told me he had lung cancer and ut didnt look good. so about a month went by and it was 7 30 in the morning and i watched him leave the planet. now i live with my brother and its hard to believe this was only about 5 months ago. so trust me i no what your saying i cant even sleep long enough for me to leave . i just want to die i just want to be with my parents

Your story touched me and I can relate. I, too, what to join my parents. I believe there is nothing for me here.

hello my name is brandon and im 16 when i was a kid my parents were real bad drug addicts and alcohol abusers they used to fight physicaly every day and night i watched them punch, kick, stab, even my mom tried to light herself on fire in front of me and my 2 brothers. thats lasted till i was about 12 then my grandma came and took me. for about 2 years i lived with her while that time my parent got out of jail and cleaned up so they could take me back. will they did so they took me back about a year ago. will everything was great i loved my parents so a year goes by and everything was good until one day i came home from school i was expecting to find my mom but when i got there i couldnt find her no where her car was still there so i new she couldn't have gone to work yet so i kept looking will i came around her bed were there was a little path to the closet. and there she was motionless on the floor and all i wanted to do was wake her up i kept moving her and screaming but she just wouldnt wake up. she had died i didnt know what to do at all i just cried. so a 3 days went by and we had her funeral. exactly one week after her funeral my dad got put in the hospital. and he never told me what was wrong he acted like everything was great until the day i was going on vacation with my grandma he told me he had lung cancer and ut didnt look good. so about a month went by and it was 7 30 in the morning and i watched him leave the planet. now i live with my brother and its hard to believe this was only about 5 months ago. so trust me i no what your saying i cant even sleep long enough for me to leave . i just want to die i just want to be with my parents

I'm really pleased you're feeling better, the great thing about ep is that you meet some great caring people who are here to help and offer support.<br />
<br />
Take care<br />
<br />
Mizz

Thank you all so much. My mood has improved markedly since that post. My friends on ep helped me triumph depression once again. <br />
<br />
I'm here for all of you too.

Dearest Ruby, I am so sorry to hear that, I wish I could do something, just know that I care about you

Thanks. I needed to hear from people who understand :)

Because your body wants to continue to insist that you will find something to live for... Lord knows I know how you feel }`: