My Life Is A Waste Of Time

I used to think everything would get better with time. Intead, it only got worse. What's the point in living when you aren't doing ANYTHING useful, just waisting your time away like it's nothing. I just feel my life slipping away through my fingers like sand. I feel like there's two people fighting inside of me. One says: well there's still hope, there's always a future, there's always a tomorrow, it's not that bad. The other one says: Why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself if it's so useless? Make it easier for every one. I keep fighting off the bad thoughts on and off but they still come back. What's the point in fighting when there's nothing to fight for? Just sitting and waiting for nothing...Does anyone else feel this way?

TheLostPoet TheLostPoet 18-21, F 47 Responses Oct 18, 2009

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this was posted in 2009 i wonder how your doing if your still alive now or not?... well im in the same position right now... I feel like I waste time for useless things and make bad choices i make mistakes and stuff... no one understands and they just keep saying "Studying will help you" but it doesnt all that goes in my head is "Suicide it will all be over and good even if you go to hell its better then this" but at the same time i thinnk "my parents n family will miss me ...."

i wish i had the courage to kill myself.

It helps to do things for your own enjoyment without expectation people will appreciate it. If you like poetry, remind yourself that you enjoy it. If you like to read, try to remember it is the exhilaration of the imagination that helps you. Sometimes we forget why we like things because we feel we aren't being validated by them. You don't have to be a famous athlete to enjoy being in shape for example. Above all, be honest with yourself. You were born in a war zone not a playground. Accept this and do good.

Life has meaning but sometimes you just have to be patience and everything would happen. You will not get everything what you want because sometimes you might like a thing which is not better for you and you may not love a things but is good for you!

everyone here has so much potential but we live in a world of hate and greed, as long as we feel worthless they are happy, weather its a job ,money ,loneliness or relationship or health the goal to to keep us on the ground the worst we feel the happier they are. just look at how many people on this site, and think how many more there are its stagering

I feel like...i waste all my time,my girlfriend job is total bull$hit , i grow up in a nice familly with love and everything but today i'm 22 in the past the shcool was total shiit. My job today is a waste of time and ...I worth more than a stupid 15$/hrs ! I hate to work, ...and i can't even choose my Haircut because of a stupid job... everything in this world is total bullshit, look at the tv and news everybody die and a billion person die everyday and.. **** off i don't even know why i'm writing this.

we are slave of the money each day we woke up to waste our time in a stupid place then we hate... good luck all.

There is only one sure thing with life, is then someday we will loose it.

I feel the same way. I'm 29 years old, I failed to get my CPA license and failed to go to grad school to move forward with my life. I had a rough teenage life, believing things will get better, but they haven't. Instead, I lost my good friends from college along the way, I've made stupid choices, and I'm a failure. I don't see a reason to live anymore and I want to die.

I absolutely hate life. We are lied to from day one about countless truths. We are brainwashed and bombarded by the media to believe complete bull ****. No one ever tells you that to become one of the great minds in this world, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THAT TYPE OF MIND. I am 25 years old now and nothing has gone right in my life. I used to be a really nice and happy person, but now I'm a complete psycho from too many things going on in my head. People that say don't give up have never had to worry about having no money and not having any means to make some without working at some **** job.

I do. Today, I wrote two suicide notes. One to my brother and sister, and one to my husband. I'm sitting next to him as I do this, but he doesn't seem to notice anything different. I can't kill myself yet though - not while my mother lives. How can I do that to her? If I have a purpose in life, it's to take care of her. As soon as she's gone, though...

My life sucks and I have tried to get out of it four times. The last time I was in the hospital for seven weeks in a coma, yet I woke up alive. Only one person, my brother knew I was in the hospital for seven weeks. I have no job, have never had a real relationship and am in alot of pain. Why didn't society just let me die. Eventually I may take my resentments on people which I hate.

I feel the same way. I lived a long life, raised 3 children who have lives of their own which is fine. One child is very rude to me although I have seen him through some really rough times in the past and don't understand his attitude which bothers me but its something I have let go. I stay in most days and sleep as much as possible. I have no ambition, no desire to do anything but sleep and although I will do nothing pro-active to move my demise along, I just pray every night when I go to sleep to just let me sleep forever and never wake up. And no I am not overly depressed. I had a very full life, volunteered, traveled around much of the world, good husband, good vocation, loved raising the children, etc. I am just tired of living. I've already been there and done all I want to do.

Thank you for all your comments.:)
Kind regards.

I am male, 47, British. All accident of birth. I could have been anyone, anywhere. Me but not me. We are all but shadows waiting for night. The sense of self, the things we cling to and assimilate to form an identity are accidents of birth and circumstance. Our bodies shape us. Fat, thin, ugly, pretty, tall, short, male, female, where is the real self. Our culture and language shapes us. Then where is the real self? We are all marking time until the big sleep. If we were to create the ultimate tortue chamber for sentient beings you couldn't do better than our own Universe! Curse this being with the imagination of a god with a fragile, decaying mortal body, subject to the destructive energies of an uncaring cosmos. It stinks Lost Poet! It's just NOT GOOD ENOUGH GOD! We find our own meaning in God's absence. Define your own meaning and be lost no more.

I am a bit disappointed that this post was written in 2009. I wonder how you are doing, if things have gotten better, or if you are gone. I feel the exact same way that you do. I'm certain there are many others out here in the world who feel the same. I don't know what else to write except that this post has offered me a bit of comfort that I am not as alone as I feel I am when it comes to my emotions/feelings about the world. I do hope you are alive and thriving though.

i've been going to college for 7 years now and i still haven't reached my senior years. it really sucks to be me and i feel very depressed about it because i've done all the things i can do to graduate but there's always this things that keep on happening that always stops me from reaching my goal..

i don't know why this keeps on happening to me, maybe i'm cursed because im not that religious and i don't have a strong faith to God.

When i was in highschool i had a lot of friends and they always made me happy but now i feel sad because i don't have friends anymore.

No. No one else feels this way. It's just you.

totally agree!

I have had the same experiences since I was in junior high school. It's like I have talks with myself to convince myself that things are going to get better. What if I offed myself and my "amazing" life experience is waiting around the corner? That's one of the few reasons that I keep myself alive.

Yes. Dito dito. After years of trying and nothing substantial eventuating, then "the why bother" hits. Just going through the motions, because do-gooders believe that life is sacred. We could certainly do something about the population problem if those of us who want "out" could actually "legally" be given the "out option".

Bobthechef, wise words (for some people). I used to have nearly exactly the same views as you, and assumed the same things you assume about others, until I found myself in this position. However, I'm actually not the type that sits around, and I do fill my life, and have so called 'purposes' in life. However, it doesn't matter how much or in what way i act to change things. It doesn't matter how busy, occupied, or unoccupied I am. I am always feeling this way. You could give me 500 million pounds, and I could do as many good things for the world, and myself/loved ones as I can, and I would still feel this way. I 'get on with stuff' and people think I have a good life, but I don't. Since a certain time in recent years when i lost a family member that was young, I've just been going along with this ride (life), and quite frankly I'm bored. I'm never excited about anything. I don't look forward to anything. Even sex (and even if it's great). I feel almost nothing about anything. The only slight pleasure I get is treating kids in my family, and friends. When I used to compete at sports, I would get a rush. I'm a musician, but don't get the buzzes i used to. I just don't see the point in anything anymore. When I win at a game I don't care, and when I lose i don't care...I used to, why do i not now? I try to act like I care to seem 'normal'. I don't know what will change me back to normal. I quite simply feel like life is just **** and tedious (which i don't offload on people, apart from counsellors), but I'm still just going along with ****, because there's nothing else to do besides suicide, and I don't want to cause anyone pain. The wonders of the world don't do anything for me. Things in life that used to seem magnificent and magical don't mean anything to me anymore. Nothing impresses me. I would never kill myself. However I just feel like I'm going to go insane unstead (and am probably part the way there). It doesn't matter how much I learn, how much I achieve, how much loved ones achieve, what progress is made in the world, whatever you can mention, there is nothing that does anything for me anymore. I don't know what's happened to me, but it has happened. Maybe a girlfriend who can understand me might help, who knows....but at this moment in time, even that seems like it wouldn't make much difference.

I do feel the same way. You want to give up because you no longer don't know who to follow. If you think about the good sides, and the possibilities that will open just for you....bad thoughts or hesitation could suddenly give you doubts about the plan, which it ended up with no energy by the next morning and wishing you didn't wake up!!!!

K, i'll be sure to search it on the youtube. May I ask how are you related with "TheLostPoet"?

i find that any attempt to feel better about myself futile, existance is nothing more than wasted energy and that life has only taught me the meaning of failure

Yes I agree. What the @!#%^%$# are we doing here? But this has been going on for ever. I once heard we're like maggots on a rotting apple. There is no one not even one person now or that ever was that knows whats going on!!! Depression? Na. Happy? Na. There are billions here and many of us think we have an idea but there's a glitch. The idea belongs to billions of mimics like our selves. Sex is a trick of nature to keep the misery going. Death. It would hurt others regardless if you believe it or not. It will come to us all sooner or later. God? Ha ha ha ha ha . Saw it once and he laughed his *** off at us. Na stick around. Study the animals and they can tell you something.

life is all about living,we always try to put some pleasure in it.but just take it as it really is

,try to do anything in front of you without thinking the end result.try to do that that work as best as you can.

I never knew if other people feel this way. I am 47, and I have felt like life is a waste of time as far back as I remember. I've never fit in anywhere, nor did I want to. Things haven't gotten better in 47 years, and I don't believe for a second they ever will. Things get worse on a regular basis, and people who have known me for many years can't believe how much they see constantly go wrong with my life. I live in Seattle, where Ferry boats have propellers on both ends. If a person steps off of the front, they will be cut into a billion pieces, and no one would ever be able to tell who it was. I know this is how I will go when it's time, I just haven't made my final decision yet. I'm a loner, so people who do know me will just wonder what ever happened to me, so I won't have any regrets when the time comes.

I have felt depressed for the first 35 years of my life, suicide attempts, drug use through the roof, despair, anxiety, lonliness. Feeling awake while the rest farted their contented selves to sleep. I have spent the past seven years in therapy weekly, it has been a long and frustrationg journey, but now because of these efforts most of the despair, the drug use, the thoughts of suicide are greatly diminished. It took a lot longer tha n I thought it would take but without this work i would most likely be dead, or about to die. Life is meaningless, no matter what we accoplish we all end up as dirt, we just shouldn't feel like dirtbags before our decomposing. Do the work and stay away from the medical community, they will turn you into a drugged out mess.

Lol! "What's the point in living when you aren't doing ANYTHING useful, just waisting your time away like it's nothing."

So, here are some questions for your consideration. I have lived through an existential crisis that crippled me physically, so to me, the whiny nonsense I hear from most people is about as petty as I can think of. I live in a Matrix kind of world, wherein because of the crisis, I came to be able to see the world of the real behind that of appearances (with humility of coarse; people like to jump to conclusions to feel safe and to guard their egos from threatening data, hence the presumption of optimism and pessimism, pretending to a certainty one does not have to feel safe).

1. Do you believe there is no intrinsic purpose in life, or that only you personally are worthless? If the latter, why do you think you're so special and unique that YOU don't have a purpose as opposed to other people? If the former, then what do you expect? If life is really meaningless, then the only reason you're having this discussion is so you can be proven wrong and thus saved.

2. What does useful mean? What, to you, would be a good use of time?

3. Who is responsible for your waste of time if not you? You talk about yourself as if you have no control over your actions, but it is YOU who is wasting your time. Take responsibility for your actions, AND your feelings. You don't NEED to feel depressed. You only think you do because it's familiar, safe, and above all, EASY. You don't want to be hurt, and so you commit a preemptive strike on yourself. That's cowardice. Embrace pain, it makes life glorious and redemptive.

4. Many people use depression as an excuse to sit around, and blame the world. They offload the responsibility of finding purpose and meaning onto someone else ("Save me! Or else it's not my fault."). Are you doing the same thing?

People, before you think to criticize my post, consider how vapid you are if your post was something lame and cheap like "It's okay honey, *hugs*" Someone depressed doesn't need a hug! They need a kick in the rear! They need a realization! They want an absolute in which to ground their lives that gives them direction and decisiveness, virility in spirit, IDENTITY. Religion has been man's attempt to ground himself in something absolute (I have discovered that God is that absolute, not as an old man in the sky, but as "He Who Is", existence itself, transcending all). The reason you're depressed it in part because you hold to a failed system of values. You care what others think of you, you likely secretly believe in the gilded lies our of culture, lies which every smiling face out there that professes to thrive on knows, deep inside, are rubbish. No one is happy in that web of shallowness. You don't NEED to fulfill anyone's expectations. There are no milestones you need to complete to NOT be a failure. Those are just nonsense fed to us in the culture to produce an easy-to-predict and controllable populace. There is no "grand society" to which you need pay homage to. The individual is the purpose of society. Otherwise, what's the point of having a society (meaning, individuals in relationships) if it doesn't serve its members. We're all just human beings on this planet. Naked apes pretending to be more than we are, and believing we're less than we are. Open your heart, and fear not what it really finds magic in, and follow that.

Very thought provoking. You are right however consider this thought: what if there is no one there to kick you in the butt? I find it difficult to even create a schedule for myself because there is no one to answer to. I can "be in" until I run out of food; no one notices, no one really cares, no one asks, and I suspect if I ever become really disabled that my children will feel inconvenienced if one of them has to take care of me. It's the last thing I want and what I fear the most. I think it would be better to check out while I can and on my time frame. No, no plans on how that will go and no I am not planning to do anything. I just wish I weren't here; that's as far as I let my mind go.

hi i am a muslim and am just lettin u kno that this depression will not go away until u take the acceptence that ALLAH is GOD and he is 1

i am serious!!!

this depression which u speak about, was in the hearts of, loon, napolean, freeway and many more

but after they accepted ISLAM and acknowledge that ALLAH IS ONE they found rest in their hearts.

IN THE HOLY QURAN WHICH IS ALLAHS WORDS, ALLAH SAYS: Those who believe (in the Oneness of ALLAH), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of ALLAH, Verily, in the remembrance of ALLAH do hearts find rest" (Surah ar'Ra'd 13:28)

Do not commit suicide or watever ur thinkin about, u are my brother/sister, i really care for u

Go and see wat u can do after the accepting of ISLAM, please ponder about it.

Yupz, everyone has the same thoughts and depression everyday.. who is normal??? Normal is only those who hide it, yeap, i mean it, HIDE IT!!!

Who doesn't have a single feeling that their life is not a waste of time, hands up!! Whoever hands up, are you 100% sure you never had that feeling?? Don't LIE!!

I feel suicidal all the time, there are so many endless problems in life, and everything we do only seems adequate to ourselves, like dust in the wind, all will just fade away, with no meaning at all..

Yet, the world just keep pumping down more stress, day after day, and problems keeps adding up with time, with enthusiasm fading out.

I'm trying to reach that state of NOTHINGNESS.. to see life and everything around me as NOTHING, and with nothing, there ain't anything to care about, nor feud about as well..

You need to set yourself small acheivable targets - then congratulate yourself when you've done it. Slowly, day by day you will get stronger and acheive more. Then life will feel more like living. But start simply, don't be hard on yourself.