As Bad As It Sounds...

It's true. I realize I'm not supposed to want to die. I understand that perfectly. I've taken biology, and I realize that the whole reason we're here is to keep living. We're supposed to continue our species.
I've heard all of the "there's so much to live for" speeches as well. I know that I'm only 21, I'm still young, there's still so much more to come, blah, blah, blah.

None of it helps. I still want to die. Nothing and nobody has been able to change that.
garbanzobean garbanzobean
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 26, 2010

It's almost really, really funny. Shortly after posting this, I was made to believe I actually was going to die.<br />
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About an hour after I posted my comment on this story, I went to the doctors for the pain that's been bothering me for a while now. After discussing a few possibilities, and how prohibitively expensive tests are, they ended up doing a urinalysis, and telling me to "Go to the hospital right now, your kidneys aren't working"<br />
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Long story short, my kidneys are "mostly" working, so I need to keep up with it, but for now it's nothing to be overly concerned with. And the pain was caused by a ruptured cyst, so it shouldn't be a problem for too much longer. The hospital gave me pain meds and sent me home about 8 hours after I got there. <br />
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As for whether I still want to die anymore, I don't know. Which I guess is as good enough as a no for me right now.

I think you should consider if it is really what you need....I just would hate to lose a beautiful, open soul because they simply felt lost in life.

I honestly have no idea what to do now. I talked to my best friend about how well I had planned out killing myself, and she mentioned it to my parents, who are of course going crazy about it, since my older sister has been treated for depression, and my little sister was once in a psych ward for trying to kill herself.

As a survivor of my own want to die...I rebirthed through unorthodox ways. I shouldn't mention them publically as they are not for all constitutions. God was not involved.