Going Mad

I cant stand my life anymore I just want to end all the pain. I just feel like I lost something when the love of my life died while fighting for the god awful country. I am empty, I feel nothing but numbness. I dont feel happy,sad, or anything at all. I just want to leave this world and I will soon enough. I am done trying to find happiness . I want peace, I want to no longer have to wake up and realize that I am alone and there is nothing left for me here. I dont want to be around anyone, I want to be alone. I love the silence. I think I am going insane. I need to go though. I sometimes hear him at night, telling me that he needs me, needs me to leave the world. I cant take it anymore!!
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May 17, 2012