Nothing Left

It's not just one thing or two... Its everything, it hasnt just started or only been a couple years, its been my whole life. From as far back as i can remember, i use to watch my dad beat my mom, then come after me and my sister, pounding on our tiny bodys with anything in his reach, breaking our bones on many different occasions. Not just the beating tho. My mom couldnt handdle it anymore so she left us with dad not to see or hear from her again until i graduated highschool 10 years later, that just made it worse... And he would spend all his money on alcohol and drugs so we never had clothes or shoes sometimes not even food. The toys we got for christmas were from the kmart dumpster that we dug out ourselves after dad threw us in, we only ever got to play with them one night because he returned them for cash the next day. On the nights he was really wasted we tried to hide but he always found us, that was the worst cause now he was mad we hid so he drve us out to some woods somewhere and left us in the cold for hours alone scared no shoes. When i turned 15 saw my opportnity to get away, by getting a job and living with a friend, to bad i had no one to teach me about credit... I messed that up too turned 17 and toout 10 credit cards to help my sis who got pregnant. Shes good now, married bought a house, raising her son.not sure what i did to make her hate me and not want me in her life anymore she was the only one ive ever had by my side :( well then i went through a seres of men who beat and rapped me. Again i thought things would get better when i met a man and we got engaged... I then found out i would never b able to have children my ovaries dont produce eggs, he left me... Found out he was cheating
the whole 3 yrs we were together anyways. Well then i needed more money again so more credit and loans, i have so much debt right now i wont ever b able to pay it off. And nothing to show for it.they are garneshing and leving my wages have been and will continue to for years to come, no car. No home. No kids. No freinds that care. No family at all. Every man ive tried to b with lies and cheats. He just broke up with me yesterday because he says im not enough for him and he needs to b withseveral women to b satisfied... There goes another 3 years. I cant go to school. They wont give me financial aid or loans, i have nothing. Not that i ever did but there were a few points in my life that i felt like god might actually b listening and trying to help but i realize now that he doesnt care just like everyone else i am completely trapped now with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I need to die.
Aloneanddead Aloneanddead
May 23, 2012