What The **** Does It Matter?

I'm so tired of living. Nothing I do matters. I have no close friends left and everybody in my life just gets more and more disgusted by me as the days go by. I know that me being dead is what they need to feel better. I've bothered them all enough.

Right now, I try to cut or burn myself but I'm an 18 year old idiot who was too stupid to even do pills. I overdosed on pills and got caught on a time that I actually wasn't even trying to kill myself. Now, because I'm so stupid, I get watched all the time, I lost my money, my cigs, my lighter, etc. I can't burn anymore. There's almost no way to get my hands on a lighter.

I can't cut because I'm too much of a failure. The knives are all dull and I'm too stupid to dig deep enough so I barely even bleed when I cut myself.

I just want to die and I hope that I finally get the opportunity to do it. I can't make the people in my life anymore miserable than I already do so I have to wait for a time when I can do it without getting caught and too many people are busy watching me.

I just hate myself. If I could get a really sharp knife, I would just carve my body away little at a time.
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Sep 23, 2012