I Just Don't Care, I'm Tired, Tired Of The Game

I am at a point where it's possible that I will be diagnosed with a fatal illness. Who else in the world would be happy about that?

Pretty much every day is the same. I don't really feel like doing anything, but I have to, in order to make a living. I have to get up and go to work and work all day. Then I come home and play games on facebook.

I *do* have people who care about me, but I'm the one who doesn't care. It isn't that I don't care about *them,* I just don't care about my life. It's like, yeah, big deal. I have totally lost the will to live.

I have no desire to kill myself (well, I do sometimes, but I don't see myself acting on it) but I really just don't see the point in doing boring, stressful things for the rest of my life, until I can retire. If I could retire right now, I would. I don't know if that would make things better - I think it would, because then I wouldn't have to spend all that energy pretending to be just fine all day long.

I'm just tired.
GraceRemolder GraceRemolder
56-60, F
Jan 20, 2013