Life isn't meant for me. I'm gay, failed high school so many times it's extremely embarrassing and to top it all off I'm suffering anxiety since 11 years. The only reason why i didn't take my life because I'm Muslim and I don't want to go to hell and I don't want my family to go through hell. I love them and they mean the world to me.
I wish I never existed, I wish god would take me back in time and allows me to correct the mistakes I've done in the past. I wish life was easy, I wish I loved girls physically, I wish I could enjoy kissing a girl, I wish I could feel sexually attracted to a girl, I wish I watched straight ****(although watching straight **** is wrong in Islam but I wish I could be aroused by watching woman.)
I am a failure, I failed my family and myself big time.
No amount of success or time will heal the deep pain I'm in.
I feel like it's impossible to turn me straight since I'm so obsessed with guys. I'm cursed...
When I go to heaven, I have to have a 1 on 1 conversation with god about why he made me suffer like this?
I'm in the sweetest person ever yet it have the worst life.
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Aug 26, 2014