I Don't Want To Be Me Anymore, Wish I Could Disappear

I have been feeling this way for a while now, I have made such a mess of things where I am that the only way out is for me to no longer exist.

I have messed up at work, with my friends, my family and I don't speak anymore, finacially I am ok but I should be better. I have been off owrk for a month (2 weeks were school holidays) and the thought of going back petrifies me. I have let my students down so badly and the school falling apart so close to the exams. The parents of my students already hated me and know they have even more reason to.

There is nothing in my life that would miss me should I just up and dissapear, I feel so low and like I am still falling. If I could just disappear for a while get my head together and just not be me anymore for a while. I am just a mess and don't know where to start putting myself back together again.

I feel really fat and disgusting, I don't understand why anyone would want to be around me. I keep dreaming about getting a flight anywhere and just become someone new. Work behind a bar or go back to school (If I had the money) but instead I am stuck here sinking faster and faster into a bottomless pit.
blackdagger82 blackdagger82
Apr 27, 2011