Sometimes I Just Thing Everyth...

Sometimes I just thing everything would be easier for everyone if I did just disappear. I mean, I love my family and everything but, being a single mother of two and trying to raise them in my parents house is tougher on them than it is on me. My parents aren't exactly well off and I can't do anything to help them. They're still stuck helping me. I know how tough it is on them especially my brother and sister. I feel as though I am robbing them of a "normal" high school life and although they never say it, I can see it in their eyes. It hurts and I just need to escape.
sadcrystaleyes sadcrystaleyes
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 18, 2007

how are you now? hope things are much better now...

I hope things have eased up for you some since you first wrote this note. It may seem like things will never change, that you'll be a "burden" to your parents forever, but that's not true. Time goes by so quickly. The best thing you can do right now is to make the most of this time when you're lucky enough to have family willing to help you. Go back to school, save your money so you can get a place of your own, check into all the government programs available to help single parents (there's lots out there). Most of all, don't give up. All you have to do is look around you and it won't take long to find someone in a more depressing state than yourself (check out that homeless person staggering down the road, pushing his cart full of treasures). This time in your life is but one small, short chapter. It will go by quickly. Use this time wisely to prepare yourself well for the chapters to come - because they will be better ones. Not to say you won't have a few more bad ones down the road (we all do), but you'll be better prepared to handle them. Hang in there, sweetie. You'll be just fine.

Don't think that by having children in the house that you've robbed your siblings of a normal highschool life. What is a normal highschool life anyway :) I think you'll find they will be much more mature growing up, and though it may appear "intrusive" to them now, they'll appreciate things sooner when they grow. I was raised by a single mom, when I was young I wanted to fit in and be normal. I wanted to sometimes stay out without mom having to worry, or wondered why other kids were so well off financially. I'm older now and though I think I have been a good son, something clicked in the last few years, I admire single parents so much. It will work out :)

Sometimes I feel that way myself. Do you have a friend outside of the house who would be willing to watch the kids so you could have some time to yourself? If you had a nature park nearby that would be good. I find it a wonderful release for myself to sit in nature and observe or bring a book or maybe some writing materials. Don't lose hope. Besides,you can't disappear for the same reason I can't, your kids and my son. Everything will work out,it just may take time.Peace to you and your mind,J