Fade Away

First of all hello everyone out there, I am Misty.

It's not like my life is full of miseries or bad luck but the thing is this mind of mine keeps playing tricks on me, once in a few months I feel totally down and spiral ling down into the deep dark hole of negativism and self doubt, my fear has got over my passion and my doubt over my guilt, everywhere  I try to find some support, I am disappointed, this phase usually withers off when I try enough to ignore it for some time, but this time, it has not gone yet, I can;t still find good words to write this preview I'm feeling so bad, actually my life is pretty good, but why does this keeps happening with me?

Well I keep bunking my classes and most of the time all I want to do is just sleep, sometimes I just want to fade away and watch people do their chores and household work, it also affects my health, so better got to take care about it. 


Can it be an unconscious fear or some person or a trauma, or simply need for something else? well this is my first post and written in a very bitter mood, so I apologize but will be back with better ones :)

Misty9190 Misty9190
18-21, F
8 Responses Jun 17, 2009

Misty I'm cristina. X

All of these feelings are normal to have. I have them sometimes, but when I feel myself starting to have these feelings, I turn some upbeat music on, or watch a good movie. I have known enough pain in my lifetime for ten people, but always came through it by knowing that I brought none of it on myself. I was in a bad accident as a child and had to have so many operations. I was bullied and teased. But I knew that I had to believe that none of it was my fault and I didn't deserve it. You are all survivors and please know you are all worthy of having a happy life. God Bless you all:)

i feel so ashame of my self. i cant be myself. to know one. it got to the point that idk who i am no more! i wanna dissapear and never be seen again. i feel like everything would be better with out me :/ im soo sad so hurt full of guilt. if im happy tryin to have fun one of my friend thinks im immature. if im crying and looking for a hug my parents will be like NOW WHAT! if im mad no one can talk to me because ill just blow up. i dont know anymore please help me as we speak my brain is spinning

I know exactly how you feel. I have a very wonderful life, but I somehow let myself get caught in a twisted cycle of fear and "what ifs". When that happens it is the only thing I can focus on. I am going to try to go to a talk-therapist. I don't think I'm depressed. I think I have some issues from my childhood (emotional trauma) that has caused me to be wary about trusting others or myself. When I try to talk to my husband about my fears he doesn't understand why I can't just get over them. He can't understand because he has never felt a cloud of doom overtake him and try to swallow him up. He doesn't realize that I want to STOP the fear but I don't know how. I know what I'm saying isn't 'advice' but I just wanted to let you know I can relate to your pain.

I have delt with quite a few of the same feelings you are feeling. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to write me. I know how painful this feeling is and I want you to over come it, I agree with the other comments...you may need medical assitance. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember you are worth something and you do have a reason to live. No matter what is going on in you life....don't let it stop you. Everything may be fine, but don't let you stop you or anything else! You are special! Believe me!

You're a young woman, it could be a hormone thing too.<br />
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Might think about seeing a doc, it could be depression, and that can be fixed too<br />
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good luck with it, hope everything works out yo

I also found it is important to be forgiving of myself when I do feel down, not to fight it or try to talk myself out of it too much. Just to accept that that is the way I feel for now & I can wait for it to pass. It's perfectly OK to feel the way we feel. Fighting the feelings can just block them & they come out later, or more often. It never felt natural, because I am more sensitive than others, but there is nothing more natural than to be ourselves. To accept who we are & work with it.

I feel like this often too. The feeling that everyone lets me down comes down to feeling like I can't rely on myself! <br />
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I have had some trauma & grief. A less sensitive person could have recovered years earlier. This isn't necessarily a curse. It makes for a very caring person. Nearly always I neglect to take care of the center of my universe, ME! As you probably do to yourself. It is so hard to put myself first, but if I never learn this skill I will never find the light amongst the darkness, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course we need to be tolerant of other people, but that doesn't make it right to beat up on ourselves, or give so much to others that there is nothing left for ourselves.<br />
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That has been my problem anyway. How can anyone ever like me if I hate myself, I found for me. If I hate myself, I will portray myself as a worse person than I am without realizing it & people might believe me. They might think I have all these faults that I don't have at all, I just perceive myself to be that terrible person. I tell myself nasty lies about myself to myself.<br />
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The good news is we have a choice. You have the power over your mind, you are in control. Any bad habits that you have learned, can be unlearned as well. It's simply a matter of practice, stilling the mind often with relaxation & rediscovering that sense of fun that was thought to be lost.