Blood Does Not Relate One To Family, Loyalty Does

i am writing about my story cos i have no one to talk to atm and hope someone can comment on my story for your own personal opinion. i always felt that my own mother and family was not my real family. i lost my father to suicide as an only child. my mother remarried a few years later and had her second child with that man. i always felt lke an outsider, esp around my mothers side of the family. i would consider myself a little different as my fathers side was my italian roots and my mothers side is south african. although i was born in SA, i never really felt like it was my real home. i was still told a story once that my italian grandfather wanted my mom and dad to go to italy to care for his ill mother, while my mom was pregnant with me. She went against that desicion. Had a shaky relationship with my mom after my fathers death when i was 8. now i have left SA and moved to europe( thx heavens for getting my italian passport) and now i am thousands of miles away and no ne bothers with me, to send me a msg nothing. its as if i am dead to them. The only person that i talk to back there is one friend, but my own family dont bother with me, so i am also cutting ties. I cannot deal with this negativity affecting my life anymore, i came here to europe for a reason, to start a new life and that what i intend to do
L7J456P L7J456P
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

Aren't you wise - to see a truth that loyalty is what binds people, not blood necessarily, and so early in life for it to move you forward in a more meaningful way. Much wiser than those of us who have spun our wheels trying to please and have only been brought down by it! Good for you, for your courage, and example, you g though you may be- compared to me lol...

Although it has to be hard being alone I would rather be alone than be with people that do not respect or love me.

I had to cut my brother out of my life because he was cruel and sadistic.I will not see him for the rest of my life.Part of me hurts because I looked up to him as a child but you have to remove yourself from TOXIC people for your own health and happiness.

I would say that you should watch out for what I call " TORNADO PEOPLE ".....They are the people that never talk to you until they need something.They didn't have anything to do with you until they became sick or strong winds blew their crap all over the place....LOL

If they are that tight then they will not call you and try to get you to come home to help them out.

Just be VERY CAREFUL who you let into your life.I have studied Psychology for 26 years and I know that we have to be aware of our ___emotional needs__.If OUR need for connection and family is strong then we may become vulnerable let A-holes into our life .....before....we check to see if they can be trusted and they are loyal.

I would not share my story with strangers or people I have met for at least 2 years.Be a bit of a secret agent like " Jason Borne ".You want to be elusive with people because we have millions of Sociopaths on the planet that will use your family information to borrow money,get things from you and exploit your emotions ----> BY BEING FAMILY TO YOU.They know what you need emotionally so they act the part and you are used by them.

If your going to build a life then you have to tell people that your family died in a car crash until you know 100 % that each person can be trusted.Talk to a therapist,write in a journal or use this EP to keep this secret.That is my advice to starting a new life.

Very good advice!! Not knowing my family enough and things done behind my back (and said) made me vulnerable to a sociopath in my office- another even called me one evening to say how she was very two- faced, blamed me for her unhappiness at work basically. Then, kind people I would greet in the halls, after a couple of chats with her, suddenly are avoiding eye contact with me, or only reluctantly say a meagre "hi " when I greet them afterwards... It was destroying me. It sounds strong, dramatic perhaps, but I worked for years in this place.. A new boss was saying that he "knew her (I.e.,she would never....etc) " but he knew me for longer, which was the same thing as receiving funny looks from my peers! So so awful- I am still working on trusting others - am very isolated ( for over a year) have thoughts of ending what seems an inferior nature or some g******d thing. Don't mean to be a downer. Have one hobby that is my saving grace. Sort of.

And I think it was Joni Mitchell who more or less stated what you did, "I would rather be alone than feel the loneliness one feels when they know they are with the wrong person - that loneliness is much worse" or something to that effect. Retiremesoon , you really know what you're 'talking' about!