My Earlist Memories Of Crossdressing

Having now cross dressed for over 30 years my desires to do so are getting stronger.

It is making me quite depressed and i keep thinking about my time as a child. Every opportunity I got I would wear my sisters panties bras and clothes.I remember going to bed dressed in bras and panties sometime other lingerie. I also used to raid my mothers shoe cupboard and try on her many pairs of heels. I used to love a few pairs and even got jealous when i saw her wearing them.

Later on when around 13 -14 years of age i dressed more and more as  my parents would go out for day trips with my sister at weekends. I would dress for hours as a girl getting more and more daring standing at windows and opening doors and walking in the garden.

I then Remember meeting a older boy he was around 19 . I hope he is dead now! He started to befriend me and want to play with me ,Being young and naive i allowed him. First he just wanted to touch my xxxx then he wanted me to touch his.This went on for months until i told him i wanted to dress as a girl if we was to do this. i remember falling in Love with him. I would do anything for him and constantly thought about him. I remember being in his bathroom with him dressed in tights, skirt, shoes, bra and lipstick. He locked us in there and made me suck him. Of course i did ,the weird thing i didn't think anything wrong at the time ,looking back i realize this man  is some perverted bastard who took control over a boy. I wish he was dead . But the cross dressing continues, the longing to be a woman continues and the desire to be with men when dressed is stronger than ever. Can I blame this man who took advantage over me or is it my fault ,maybe i should of stood up and said i want to be a girl ... I wish i could stand up and say i want to be a woman and LIVE as a woman. 

carriexd carriexd
36-40, M
8 Responses Mar 11, 2010

You can stand up and say you want to be woman anytime you choose. there is nothing anyone can do about it. You will be teased and laughed at unless you can pass as a real girl.
And if you can pass as a girl, then do it and have fun doing it.

Abusive people should never be tolerated.

What is wrong with feeling deeply attracted to bras, stockings, heels, wanting to wear lipstick and feminime clothings *all the time* -- nothing! I, for one, would love to be able to be dressed en femme all the time. But, I have a wife and children I love. So I continue to lead this part-time life. My wife knows about my sexual desire and is growing accepting. I find nothing wrong wanting to explore the sensations evoked by all the thoughts of transforming, if only epherimarily, into a beautiful women. <br />
<br />
Love / Monique

Carrie, I just don't understand your anger and disgust. He saw the emerging Carrie and accepted her. He shared pleasure with you and a part of his life. He made it safe for you to explore your feelings as a CD/TS/TV and (hopefully) enjoy it. You say he took advantage of you, but you don't say that he didn't reciprocate or that he twisted you into doing things you didn't actually want to do.<br />
<br />
You used the word "forced" in a way I'm not sure of. In one way, it's obvious, he pushed you to do something. In another way, it doesn't sound as if he had to push very hard. Help me understand.

Dear Carrie,<br />
<br />
Thank you for your braveness in sharing this.<br />
<br />
Like you, I have often wondered about who is to "blame" for me wanting to be a woman - but in the end blame is not right - I am comfortable with who I am, even if it is not possible to be myself properly around many of the people I love. I like Claire and all the things she is.<br />
<br />
Like you, I also wonder how different things would have been for me if I had come out when I was 12 or 13 or 14 or whenever and said that was what was going on for me. Maybe it would all have been better - or maybe some of the things that have been most important in my life would have been lost. I really don't know what would have been better. But in the end, it is all about making the best life with the knowledge I have about myself now.<br />
<br />
I can understand all the anger that you feel about this guy - just as I am sure that a 12 year old girl who had been abused like that by a 19 year old man would have had every reason to feel just the same way about him. <br />
<br />
All my love and best wishes to you<br />
<br />
Claire xxx

Dear Carrie:<br />
No one physically abused me as a child, but I was teased mercilessly at about the same age (12 and 13) for my obvious feminine tendencies. I recall how wonderful it was to have hours alone at home to explore my mother's closets and become -- for a while at least -- what I was meant to be. I, too, wish I would just take the plunge and be a woman full-time. But there are many people who depend on me and I can't ignore or abandon them. I am so thankful for you and others on EP to remind me that I am no alone.

hi tessa thankyou for comment , i was around 12 years old at the time. I think i have accepted it , just annoys me that guys like him should not be allowed to get away with it

i think you should accept what happened to you ( i had a similar experience and i still love dressing up). he may have seen something in you that at the time you couldnt comprehend. how old were you when this happened?