Not Sure Think I May Need To End My Marriage....advise Please!

I have been married for close to 16 yrs now and am thinking about ending my marriage! So much has happened over the 16yrs of my marriage, I'm not sure how much more I can take. We got married very young and have 3 wonderful children together. In the begining of the marriage we fought a lot. My childhood was not the best and I saw a lot of fights between my mom and dad when I was younger. My mom had a lot of control in the marriage and I brought that into my marriage, not fully realizing, it being the only thing I knew at the time. About 6 yrs ago my husband's only sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, it was devestating to our entire family. She was one of my best friends and I loved her so much as did my children, naturally we all took the news very bad and tried to be their for her as much as possible, 4yrs ago she passed away! This took a toll on us as a family, my husband who had already started drinking heavy begun to spiral out of control. I was not their for him as I should have been because I was trying to help his mother and our children through this trying time and was devestated myself. When her birthday came up 5 months after her death my husband got wasted and drove our car into something, still not sure what! I got up the next morning and took the kids to school because he was still drunk and realized something was very wrong with the car..I was so upset and mad that he cared so little about his own life or that of someone else that he could be so careless. We started to drift apart, he was going out a lot and I would do my own thing. He works full time and is a dj in his spare time. He was djing bars to make extra $ for the family. He started djing this one bar about an hour away from where we live and I noticed he was djing their more and more and coming home later and later...we would argue about why he was coming home so late, and how much he was djing. I asked him if he was cheating on me, which of course he denied. Then about 2 yrs ago the day before my birthday I got a fb message from a waitress from the bar he was djing asking me if I wanted to know why my husband came home so late. The real nightmare had just begun for me. I don't know why I was in such shock...but I was! I did some investigating and found out he was having an affair. He finally admitted to it and moved out of the house. He told me I was controlling and he was unhappy. I started to go to counceling by myself to work on my own issues and really wanted to work things out..I loved him and felt such a connection. He eventually agreed to marriage counceling and over our vacation about a month after he had moved to his mom's..we shared a cabin because it was an already planned vacation and we didn't want to hurt the kids. I saw his phone vibrate while on the night stand with a text ( are you going to be able to call me?) I was so upset because he said he wanted to work things out and had no contact with this girl...I told him I was done and wanted a divorce! He was so upset and said he would end the relationship and wanted to move back in, so after vacation he did. Things were good for about a week, then the girls sister was calling me and telling me he still had contact with her. Over the summer we continued to go to counceling and seemed to be getting closer but would have fights where I felt like he was picking them, I knew he had some contact with that girl from time to time and would confront him..of course he would get defenseless because he was guilty! Then in Oct I found another message on his phone after a drunken night at the bar with his friends, we got angry and moved back in with his friends. He still tried to talk and hang out with me, lying about the other girl. I was using an old phone to track him little did he know while he was staying at his mom's, so I could catch him in his lies...I did follow him to the girls house and asked him to leave because after all we were still "married" I told him we would get a divorce and he could be free to do what he wanted. He said he wanted to work things out once again and I agreed..he moved back in. 18 months later he is no longer talking to this girl and I am 100% sure but when we fight he says such mean hurtful things to me and I'm not sure if fighting for this marriage was the right thing to do...I want us to be a family, I do love him but I feel disposable to him and when I try to tell him how I feel he says things like..find someone who makes you happy then. He has a bad temper(he's not abusive though) I find that I have built up resentment towards him now and can't let it go...I trust him when he goes out now but obsess over the affair and the other women ( who is a complete piece of work..doesn't work 2 kids no car) she was using my husband to get out of her horrible life. Maybe I should of let him stay with that loser! I don't know what to do.....I am not happy, wish I had someone who treated me like I was important! Not sure if I should stay in this marriage?? What would you do with this much baggage in a marriage..can it survive?m
sweet1011 sweet1011
36-40
May 5, 2012