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My Ultimate Goal

I have been cross dressing since a teen and I will not tell you how long that has been, just know that it is a long time. I have worked hard over the years to perfect my female persona and although I probably would not pass in the bright light, have gained some satisfaction in my image.
Recently I began seriously taking herbal hormones and they have had some effect, basically larger nipples and B cup breasts so far.
I have also become more conservative in my dress, looking more to be the average every day woman instead of a hooker or starlet teeny bopper.
I have reached a plateau however and have thought for a long time how can I get to the next level. I have come to the conclusion that in order to move forward as a woman, I must experience sex from the female point of view. I need to feel what a woman feels when she gives sex and receives it.
To take my long polished nails and run them up and down a thick, hard ****. To take my lipstick covered lips and kiss the tip. Licking up and down I gradually move again to the tip and take in my waiting mouth to began gently sucking. I will increase the pace as the guy gets worked up by my tongue until he eventually gives me what I wanted for so long....................hmmmmmmmmmmm

Then he lays me back on the bed and spreads my legs. He fingers my waiting vagina and begins to lick it up and down. Slowly he leans back and brings that awesome **** forward, just barely touching me. With a smooth practiced movement, he slides it in as far as it will go, filling me like I have never been filled before. Gradually he begins to move it in and out, in and out, always picking up the pace. It is not long before he stiffens and begins to shoot even more love juice into my waiting honey hole......

That gurls is what I long for, how about you?
Mustanglisa54 Mustanglisa54 56-60, M 9 Responses Aug 11, 2013

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right on lisa to please your man and see the satisfaction in his eyes as he fills you what a lovely feeling walking around ans his love leaking into your pads

Oh yeah !!!

I hear you Mustanglisa, it has often been a fantasy of mine as well. I would love to experiance it. The closest thing I have found, w/o doing the surgery though is the femskin, artificial vagina you can wear.

I would love to try that, but it is so expensive!

I know hun, it is, but it is the closest w/o surgery really. Even if you only get the lower half and some good breast forms, you can have a nice *****

I don't have to worry about breast forms anymore. I am proud to say that I can fill a b cup bra now.

Very nice.

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mmmmmm sounds so sexy,,,, makes me very hot thinking about it,,, i want to be a gurl so bad...

I so want to go out more dressed I need to make more time for it. I need to make some friends too

I so desire that

I can relate to that dream................
but I must admit, I'm not as pretty as you

Blush, blush......................

The first thing I want to say is that if you are interested in intimacy with a transwoman, there are a few things I think it important for you to know. One thing to remember is that, if you’ve seen “She-male” **** videos…our bodies are rarely like that… Full-on erections and *********** like you see in those are a rarity and many times a construct of the videographers to sell kink ****.
First of all, I not have any issue having a strap-on used on me. Why? Because I don't feel like a man. I have an issue of, doing “butch” style acts in the bedroom. While your lesbian lovers in the past may have not had issue, remember something…it’s because they never had a **** in the first place. They never had to actually use one, on a daily basis, all while on the inside screaming for the madness to stop and be rid of it. Some of my friends have even gone to such great lengths as to try to get rid of it by brutal means…
I just cannot assume that pretend male role of doing the penetration via strap-on, please have enough care for my feelings to not ask.
I crave intimacy with every fiber of my body. I want to lie naked with you, running our fingertips all over each other's body. Running my tongue all over you. taste your juices as I slip my tongue into you, flick it across your ****, bury my face into your womanhood… Is crave the taste of you, the scent of your, your intimate touch.
I want to feel every bit the woman when I lie naked with you, fondling and kissing you…and I want you to reciprocate. With you utilizing your strap-on... I do not want you to pretend you enjoy it. If you don’t, tell me. Tell me and walk away. Let me find one who can. It is just that very simple. My heart may be broken for a short time, but it is better than letting you get deeper into my soul only to rip yourself away with such a harsh reality that you can’t be with me in that way.
Let me show you what feels good to us.. Be patient, though. This may take a bit of experimentation. Just as you are discovering your body, I rediscovering it myself.
My size and my inability to gain or maintain a full erection has brought something else to the fore. Manipulate me as you would finger yourself, minus insertion with your fingers. Rub your body against mine as you do this.
Don’t be afraid to take the upper hand in your exploration. I often find myself in a state of sheer bliss letting my lover do what she will with me, letting my body’s responses tell her what arouses me most. This can take on the form of Tantric Manipulation, even. Your fingers exploring every inch of me as you watch my reactions. Watch for the signs you may well know yourself when the same is done to you.
I want to please you as much as you may want to see how you can get me to have *******. This is important to me. I'm not looking for a quick ****. I want to make love to my partner. Often, I'm starved for this intimacy and I'm aching to give to you as much as I crave to be pleasured.
Feel free to bring some sex toys into the lovemaking. Not only you may be surprised, but I WOULD be just as surprised by how I feel in that private and intimate moment by what we BOTH find pleasurable. My willingness to be adventurous may simply be a matter of degrees.
Be prepared for what you may find when it comes to our genitals… As I said before, mine are very small and unable to get a firm erection. This is what the hormones did to me while I used them. Don’t feel sorry about it for me. I wanted this, or I would not be transitioning. We like it this way. Remember, I'm now working towards having a functioning vagina and ****…a great surgeon who can make it indistinguishable from a natal woman’s genitals being an ultimate goal.
For now, I get by with what I'm still forced to have.
Don’t let the word “forced” fool you, though. I am fully capable of ****** in the hands of a woman with patience, care, and understanding…and one who truly holds my heart. I'm often even capable of multiple *******! My past partners has been surprised by this fact a time or three. You'll fine me one of the most trusting and dedicated partners in lovemaking that you have ever had. Not only in the bedroom, but in life.

The fantasy is lovely, the real thing is heavenly.

i want to try the real thing so bad.... i'll bet its beautiful

It was a truly lovely experience for me. My man was a complete gentleman, a real loving experience.

wow that sounds so lovely,, a dream come true

Yes, my dream did come true. I was afraid the real thing wouldn't be as good as the fantasy but was it ever. It was a wonderfully lovely experience that left me wanting more.

I'd defiantly love to hear more about it. I love reading about your opinions and experiences there just so detailed and descriptive and in a way I feel like I can relate. I'm only 21 but being 6'4" and 270 I'm not quite the perfect feminine figure obviously. So I'd decided to stay male only because I don't think I could ever fully fit in as a woman but now after reading yours and a many other girls experiences I think it's time for me to start transitioning because I keep trying to suppress my feminine feelings but they just keep coming back worse every time. At the same time I have no idea what I'd do for work if I was that feminine full time. ughh it's such a hard decision... I don't know I almost feel like I'd have a much easier time transitioning if I could find a man who could understand all this and help me along the way and in turn make me his wife.. Sorry for the huge rant but after reading all your experiences I just don't think trying to get married will help suppress my needs and wants as a woman (I was really thinking it might be my cure so to speak)


I have some food for thought for you. I am six foo one, I always felt I was too tall to follow my feminine desires because I wouldn't fit mold. But after a little people watching I noticed there are quite a few women as tall as I am which made me think I do have a chance to be the real me. Then when I finally got up enough nerve to step foot inside the Gender Identity Center in Denver Colorado the person who greeted me towered over me. I am guessing she was all of six eight, yes she is a transgendered person living as the woman she needs to be, the same as you and I. This was a real eye opening experience for me.

As far as getting married I can tell you from experience that this does not make our feminine desires to go away. I am betting most all of the girls out there will tell you the same thing. Another bit of advice if you follow the path of marriage is make sure your partner knows of your desire to be feminine before the I dos. Again speaking from experience all secrecy does is make for a lifetime of lies which will eventually consume you.

Now I am not telling you to go jump into living life as a woman. What I am saying is be honest with those you love and especially with yourself. Believe me a lifetime of lies only makes the situation worse. I myself am still trying to sort it all out and now that I have a family I have to think about all of them as well. I love my children and my wife, but at the same time I hate myself and what I am all because I always thought it would go away. But as you stated the feminine feelings only grow stronger with time.

Please stay in touch girl as I know all too well what you are experiencing.

Hugs, Velvet Kay

Wow velvet thanks that's defiantly some food for thought. Maybe it's time I start looking into some gender and trans groups ( I only live about an hour from the major city in my area ) and a woman 6'8" I think that would inspire me quite a bit. How did you like going to the gender identity center, and what info did you all get going there?

I'm almost at the point where I think the only option that might include marriage is where I would be the bride. And now that I've been reading up on it I'm starting to feel like my attraction to women is more admiration then anything. For instance a make up commercial came on and all I could look at were the girls clothes and make up lol It felt kinda weird after but good at the same time.

Well I've got a pretty small family so that I'm not too worried about them possibly knowing some day. I had always thought that If we're to get married and have kids all these feelings would go away but absolutely no one has said they do and not to be rude but I really would not want to be in your situation personally.

Believe me girl I will this is the most I've ever told anyone my actual feelings about all this and it's even better when we can relate to each other.

Xoxo kristi

Hi Kristi,

I know the feeling of relief that comes with opening up to someone about being transgender. I have talked with my wife a little about it, my pastor, several therapists, a very special lady friend, and my mom. I told my wife twenty five plus years ago and it totally freaked her out. I am actually surprised she has stayed with me. I met another woman and fell head over heels in love with her. This was the beginning of what I refer to as my meltdown. It all became too much for me to bear. I reached out to my pastor and told all to him. This was a very difficult discussion but a much needed one. I then went to break up with my lady friend and told her all about myself figuring she wouldn’t want anything to do with me afterwards. The amazing thing is she accepted me for me and this made our friendship even stronger. Then I began seeing a therapist and told her my whole story. I then come to a point where I decided to tell my mom. Her reaction was pure disbelief.

Between telling my therapist and my mom is when I visited the Gender Identity Center. I was in total macho guy mode when I went in and was greeted so warmly. Of course there were a few passing glances, like what are you doing here, and my wide open eyed looks at some of the people there as my first experience were an equal reaction. The very open reception quickly made me feel like I had finally found a place I could be the real me. Meeting Sequoia, yes that is her name, right out of the gate made me feel all things were possible. After visiting with her for twenty minutes or so I then met with a counselor and intern for about two hours. I told them my whole story and received some wonderful input. They made me feel loved and at peace with myself. I need to get back there to meet the head therapist for my intake session and then I can begin to use all the resources available. If only I were located closer to Denver, it is a good three hour drive for me to get there.

Now to go back to the beginning a bit. It was very difficult sharing who I truly am with my pastor, but at the same time was like getting the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. The huge burden of lies becomes a lighter load with each person I tell about my transgenderism. Everyone I have told has heard me say I have lived my whole life as a lie. Coming out eliminates, wipes clean, a big bunch of the lies I have to bear. It is a refreshing, liberating, feeling not to have to hold up the secrecy and lies.

It is always an uncomfortable few minutes when I tell someone but so far the most negative reaction has come from my wife, in fact it was downright ugly. Now I am torn between my wife’s ugly hateful reactions and my lady friend’s loving kind reactions. I can’t even bring up the subject with my wife for discussion, while my lady friend will actually joke and tease me about it, along with openly discussing it with me. I am really torn between marital commitments and the possibility of happiness away from the lies secrecy. I think I will always feel the guilt and shame with my wife but know there is someone out there where there is no guilt or shame. Writing this, then reading back through it, seems to be making the picture vividly clear to me.

I feel the need to tell you I am a spiritual person and felt condemned to hell for so very long. This has been a huge burden for me as well. I have a piece posted here on EP about this as well. I feel I am becoming more comfortable with it all the time as I continue to study and pray. I felt if I lost my relationship with God I would really be lost and didn’t want to give up on God. This has been, and still is, an eye opening journey for me. I feel it is God’s calling to me to reach out to others, such as you, in their time of need.

Now with all this being said, I think you can see why I replied to you as I did, I wouldn’t wish my situation upon no one. In fact if I can help someone to avoid a situation like mine I feel it is my duty to do so. I hope offering this information to you is a help and I am always open to sharing with you.

Hugs, Velvet Kay

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