Words Cut Like A Knife.....even Over The Phone

So.....I gained a lot of weight over the last 10 years, about 70 lbs. The weight did not show up over night, but I was negligent in keeping myself in shape. Now, fast forward to today. II am 30 years old and 've been married for 3 years to a wonderful husband, whom I've been with for 12 years. We want to have a baby, but last Thursday at my doctor's appointment, I was told that I am not ovulating because my body is producing too much estrogen as a result of my excessive weight gain. As to anyone, this was devastating news. However, reversible. I just need to lose the weight (easier said then done) and my body will 'kick start' itself with ovulation. I live across the country in California with my husband. My parents live in New York and my brothers live in Maryland. As with any child, I wanted my mom. So, I called her after speaking to my husband. At the time, she was sympathetic and very supportive. I told her then, that I did not want to tell my brothers of my news. I need to deal with this on my own, for now. Of course, she pleaded her case for wanting to tell my brothers, but I held firm to my position. Two days later, I am getting a call from my younger brother asking me a thousand questions. I knew before I answered the phone that she had spoken to my brothers about my personal pain. I did not want to talk to my mom for a few days. When I finally do, I get her diatribe about how she was concerned about my mental and emotional state and she apologized for discussing my personal pain with others. Then, she started to express how she should have spoken up more when she saw I was gaining weight. How I am 'not' the same child I used to be physically. How she doesn't understand when I stopped "caring" about myself and how I used to be so strong willed and determined. How my dad and her would speak about how 'concerned' they were about my weight and health and whether or not my husband was being as supportive as he should be. How it killed her to see me "looking the way I do" ....but still looked put together (sadly, I thought these aside "compliments" were funny). I let her talk like this for 35 minutes without saying a word. All I could think about is "wow....when did my weight gain negate my self worth as a person". When I finally hung up with my mother, I wanted so badly to drink my self into a numbing oblivion...but I didn't. Instead, I confided in my husband ( the one she was concerned about who might not be supportive). Although his words prevented me from delving into self medication, I couldn't help but to think. If my own mother thinks this about me, does my father think this way too? Do my brothers? Do my friends? My husband? If words could cut like a knife, I would be bleeding to death right now......
bkbaby16 bkbaby16
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 3, 2010

You must loose weight (you know that by now). And for the rest.... let them talk, whomever they are. Ask your husband honestly and tell him to react honestly. He is the one who will support you, but you have to do it yourself! Ah and when he will answer honestly, you already know what he is going to say, So get a seat. And then after the ****** part, he'll tell you he does love you, won't go away, thinks your mum is a ***.....*** and that he will support you, but you have to do it. <br />
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Be nice to all people whatever they say, that's not easy but much better for your health. And thus for you coming battle. Fight the fat, not other people. You have a big advantage: you can say one day: "I lost......pounds and I am pregnant". The others (exceptions are everywhere) will never have the change to go for that!! So; keep me informed ;) xxx<br />
Much luv and I know you'll do it!!!!<br />