What Happened?

I've been married to my husband now for three years. We just recently had our first child. My son is my everything. When we were first married everything was great. Then I quickly learned that not only did I marry my husband I also married his family and all of their problems. My husbands parents are so dependent on him that even after we got married they never let up. They would always call for help financial help that is. At first I felt bad after all they were his parents and I would never want to see my parents without the necessities that they need. After a while I just started to get annoyed when they called because they would always call for money and nothing else. Aside from that when we decided to purchase our first home we hit a bump in the road with his credit. I assisted him with fixing that.  As the years have past his parents still burden us with there problems. After two years of marriage I got so aggreviated that I told him I was taking the dog and leaving after all his parents were everything and he always had to come to there rescue and I was just fed up. He spoke to his parents and then they slacked off a bit. During this time we had concieved and 6 weeks later I miscarried.  A few months later I conceived again and with so much excitement we shared the news with everyone.  Unfortuantely I miscarried again around the 6 week mark. As if this news wasn't devistating enough my inlaws loss their house at the same time we lost our child. He was inbetween consoling me and helping them move out at the same time. During this time I resented him and I didn't want to see him. He would come into a room and I would walk out. When we were around family I pretended that everything was ok. when in reality it wasn't. I was told I had depression. After about two months my husband and I took a mini vacation. It was nice and something that we needed. This is also where we concieved our beautiful and healthy child. However lovemaking is not the same. It hasn't been for a long while. I am just there and I don't even enjoy it. He has put on so much weight and I am not attracted to him anymore. I try but so many thoughts run through my head when we're making love like your squeezing me, I can't breath, are you done yet. I feel so bad. He is the only person that I have ever been with and I want to keep it that way. He tries to see whats wrong with me but after asking me over and over again whats wrong I get annoyed. Then when I tell him what's wrong he always says I am trying to work on that. It's the same thing all the time. I don't know what to do. I know I'm not perfect believe me I have even asked him why he stays with me and he always answers I love you but when I say those words to him I don't really mean them. To me there just words that have no meaning or significance for him.

dimples2000 dimples2000
3 Responses Feb 17, 2009

I swear reading your story made me think I was reading my own. I am pregnant for the 3rd time, I have a wonderful 3 year old son, and I miscarried last year. I am now due in Jan 2010. My husband is always helping his family not with money but just time. I know we help my family alot, but my family has also helped us, his hasn't, his mom even kicked him out at 15, but he wont wash his hands with her. I washed mine with my father, I tried to hold on until he just kept walking in and out of my life. I seen him last over 3 years ago. My husband can't do that and that is fine but he lets him mom ruin all our plans. I've even left numerous times but I always come back because I do love him and he is the father of my children and I want to make it work. I know he probably sees it as what would I do without him because he is the only one working and I haven't really worked at all in the last 5 years but I know I could do it on my own, if I had to. But I didn't bring a child into this world on my own and I don't want it to end that way for my children. He trys to be a good husband and dad, but lets face it I'm rasing him where his mom left off. 15 years old. He is a hard worker but he hasn't grown up and he is now 26 years old. I'm not attracted to him in anyway anymore. He has changed since we were dating, both in personality and appearance. I don't even want him touching me 95 % of the time. He just isn't the person I fell in love with and I don't think he ever will be. I use to think if was me that was our problem, because I do have mood swings but they are due to hormones, cause I'm not that way when I'm pregnant or on birth control, but I can't do either forever, so I try to make the best out of it. But really I can't stand him anymore and I am pregnant. I don't know what to do anymore, I really expect to be a single parent of 2 by the time my second is 2. I hate saying it but I can't imagine living this way forever, I know it is only a matter of time. I just wish kids weren't involved and it would make my dicison so much easier. <br />
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As for you dear I don't know what advise to give cause I'm in the same set of shoes. I've tried to follow God, but how do you do that when your partner wont work with you on it. <br />
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Good Luck and I hope all goes well for you. Congrats on your baby.

It's been 6 years since you posted. How's life now?

God this sounds so much like my life..except it's not only my parents inlaws is also brother-Inlaw and his wife and their 4 kids. My parents-inlaw get money from him every week-, right now my husbands hours got cut off and I am the one that is paying the majority.- and he cant not send money to his parents- mind you their house is paid and they rec. a retirement check.. and then my brother inlaw moved in for about 4 months with his family wife and 4 kids and then he left the wife and the 4 kids and got a girlfriend and he left them in our home and didnt help us one bit.. not one penny and wife wasnt working she was with us for about 6 months until we had to send her to a shelter cause we couldnt with the expenses.. Well now my husband and I are separated because all this and much more.. but we are trying to work at our issues before we really decide if it should be final but we dont live under the same roof for now. <br />
This is my story, - you are the only one that has to decide what you must do for you and your child.<br />

I am inspired by your story, so much loss. Finally to have a beautiful child you have been blessed. I am in a similar situation but not as much tragedy, BAD in-laws can always screw things up. My now ex-father in law was always calling me for money and never did he attempt to come to the house except to borrow something or pick up money. Never to return any of it, I paid bills late and this caused me to have a lower credit score. I worked hard as a single guy to make my score as high as I could. I saved enough money by the time I was 28 to buy a house almost right out. Let me assure you it takes a lot of hard work and saving to collect $ 68,000 and in the matter of about a year and a half to be whittled away to next to nothing. After you read this please go to my page and see my pics, I also tried my best to keep in good health and shape. I loved my wife more than life it self. She was pregnant when I met her but to me it didn't matter, I was there the day my baby girl was born. She wasn't sure who the father was (she said) and I told her yes she did it was me, put my name on the birth certificate as the father. When her family wore down my savings, money grew tight I still worked long hours and tried to recover from this blight she called family. So as the same old story goes away from home to much and she found different people to keep her company, I found out. You would think this is where a sane person would say that's it call it quits. As I said before I loved her more than life, one day late in March I came home to find it empty, everything was gone except my clothes and a few odds and ends. I still loved her and searched 7 years trying to find her and my baby but all for naught. I'm telling you this story for a reason, only you know what's best for you and your child. Different people with axes to grind will say leave the worthless guy and search for your soul mate, some will say have mercy on him and let him read what you wrote sometimes it's easier to convey a message with written words. But alas your heart must be your guide. Know the truth you will survive without him, many people do. It must be you to decide, if you are religious as I am, ask God and he will send you a messenger or did he? Pray and pray hard and you shall know the truth!<br />
The Messenger

You are so kind, God bless you. How painful it is but you still be a good person. Thanks a lot for your story. It makes me move