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Overcoming A Divorce

Right now I am going through a somewhat bitter divorce.  My husband just couldn't handle me with my mental illness and how it would cause me to react horrribly whenever I was upset or angry.  He didn't have good coping skills because he's lived a pretty sheltered life due to the fact that he is blind since birth.  I know- you're probably thinking, "Why did she marry a blind man?"  I married a blind man because I thought he would be different from the men I have dated in my past, and unfortunately like the men from my past he just could not handle me at my worst.  After all this mess, I realized that when you marry someone, those vows "in sickness and in health" sometimes are never fulfilled because look at what happened to me?  I'm sick with mental illness, and my husband decides to give up on our marriage because of it. 

Anyway, I'm done re-living this divorce mess over and over again.  I can't wait to start my life anew again.  I have so many plans for myself that I could not do while I was married to my husband. I can buy a new car, get a new cell phone, eat healthier and exercise to lose weight, and if I work hard enough, go to college in another town and study to become a paralegal.  I think moving to another town to study to become a paralegal is perfect for me right now because of the way I feel and the divorce I'm going through. I'm also going to start the path to getting better mentally/emotionally by seeing my counselor, going to the doctor to check my thyroid for any problems and if there are to give me medication for it to get better.  I may even get the doctor to prescribe me an antidepressant to see if that helps me calm down a bit, but I honestly think that my strength and will to live are starting to help me.  I'm proud of who I am right now, even though I did have a failed marriage. It's not the end of the world for me.

Now for my story about finding love again.  I've found someone who does love me, and he's not here in body, but he is in soul. His name is Jesus Christ. I know this is getting religious and that you may not like it, but it's how I feel.  Jesus loves all of us, and he's proof that God loves us all. God created him so that his blood would shed, and our sins would be forgiven.  I've learned to accept him in my life, and I don't care what other people think.  I know that now that I've accepted him in my life, I can move forward in it.  Hopefully later on in my young life (I'm 22) I find the right man for me who accepts me, flaws and all.  I may have a few standards for the next man I meet, and I know it may take a while to find my true love, but that gives me enough time to change my life for the better. 

I know that wanting certain things in a man may be unreasonable, but I do want to set my limits for the men I date. I don't want to set myself up for heartbreak or even disappointment in myself for falling for a man who does not fit me right.  I want to find a man who is as religious as I am and hopefully Catholic. I don't want a devout Catholic, but I want someone who has been baptized Catholic and goes to church occasionally.  I'm hoping that he, too, has accepted Jesus Christ in his life.  I also hope that he has a career that he loves.  I expect that since I may already have a career before I find my next true love, I expect him to have gone to college and find a career he enjoys so that he knows how I've felt about grades, getting up early to go to school and then try to find the time between school and a job to do homework.  Another trait I'm looking for in a man is one who has patience for someone who cries or screams or yells when emotional even though those cries or screams are not directed at him.  I've had this issue with the men I've dated before, and I don't want to find someone who thinks women are psychos just because they have feelings, especally me.  I'm getting a bit better on my coping skills and how I react when I get emotional, but sometimes I might just want to cry or scream, and I want to find a man who can be supportive instead of critical of me and saying I'm weak or psycho.  The last few traits I look for in a man are common sense traits, like that he practices good hygiene, dresses nicely, and is confident in himself.  I want a guy who knows how to treat a woman and who doesn't have a ton of baggage.  I also hope to find a man who won't judge me because I am divorced. I will not lie to a man when he asks me if I've ever been in love or been married.  That's not fair to him for me to lie. Also, let us not forget that since sex in this day and age has become somewhat casual at times, I'm hoping that the next man I meet wants to wait a long time before he tries to get me to sleep with him.  I have enough respect for myself now that I am not going to put out so easily.  I'm going to play hard to get.

I guess I've set my limits, and I'm ready to move on with my life.  There will be times I may get sad and emotional about my divorce, but in good time I hope to find another man who will really appreciate me for all I am and accepts that I am who I am.  That may sound cliche, but it's how I feel, and nothing can make me change my mind. Thank you for reading my story, and feel free to comment.
mariatortilla88 mariatortilla88 22-25, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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I have depression and borderline personality disorder, or BPD. My borderline personality disorder made it realy difficult for me to express my emotions in a healthy way. I don't like how it's made me, but counseling has helped, and my marriage did help me to an extent, but this divorce sure hurts me. I am getting better now, and I wish my husband gave me the chance to get better, but since he doesn't, then I have to make the best of my life and make changes.

Good luck. It sounds like you have your path laid out for your and have given alot of thought to what and who you want in your life next. Dont be afraid to wander off that path if you like/need to, but so long as you have a path in mind, you can always come back to it.

In regards to your ex and divorce, a relative of mine went through something from the other side, her husband was in an accident and his personality changed, eventually she couldnt take it anymore and left. She just was emotionally exhuasted, spent. Similarily another friend of mine, her ex has ms. She eventually left too.

I guess the point is, dont let the experience poison you. Some things (and relationships) aren't meant to be and can be broken by things beyond our control.

I wish I had your positive attitude about the "new life" after divorce.

what is your mental illness that your hubby left you ?