Let Me Fall In Love Once Again

As clear as the sky is. As sweet as the aroma of the trees that bloom in spring. The happy vibes humans send out to the air. I want to fall in love one last time. May 12th, 2009 I met the person that changed my life forever. It was a mild summer day in my town. School was beginning and I was already sick of being there. Today was special though.. We were to he paired up with different kids from different homerooms to do a project. I remember thinking "With my luck I'll be stuck doing all the work." We each got called to take a seat in the gymnasium. I recall that the teachers randomly selected students to be in groups of 4. They gave us each numbers. I was 16. This number is considered my lucky number since childhood. I think that made me the luckiest girl in the world that day. The day I met him. He was young. Looked a lot like my older brother, which I teased him a lot about it. I don't know if I liked him or just wanted to make friends with him. But at that time I was considered a tomboy. So he never saw me as a girl, more like a guy friend. As the days passed, I looked forward going to school. All four of us would sit and make jokes about how ugly our project was, but I knew this project was important so I had to try best. I would sometimes stay after school with a group of kids to add finishing touches to the assignment. But out of the blue, he decided to help me out and finish is quickly. I was flustered and I remember hearing my heart throbbing in my chest all the way to my ears. I could hear it clearly when he made silly joke I didn't understand but laughed because I knew it was his way of showing kindness. I realized that day I really liked him. As time passed on that day I didn't know that soon all of the time we spent together was going to fade away. As years passed we eventually started to grow apart. In the 7th grade I changed quite a lot. I was a hard tough girl but I was kind when I needed to be. But he started getting more and more attractive. Attractive enough that other girls from other school districts started to notice. A childhood friend has reappeared in our life's and he had fallen for her. I didn't know if I should give up or keep on holding on. I wanted to hold on for a while. Just a bit more. Soon after they started to date. I was never into dating boys not just because they were cute or handsome. I wanted to be loved back because of who I am not what I look like. But in 8th grade the worst thing was to occur in my short life. I had heard from a close friend that the girls virginity was gone. When I read that message I was hyperventilating. I was scared to read the rest so I went to sleep as soon as I could. I had a dream that night. It was that we were in the same class room. It was snowing outside. He gabbed both of my hands and said "I'm sorry." He let go and jumped out the nearest window. I woke up to find tears in my eyes. The worst was yet about to come. The next morning at school all the rumors had started. To think 14 year olds are already having their first time. It was hard to accept that he was not the same anymore. Or so I thought. Computer class was right next to his class. Since I missed a day I had to go to another class to take a test and were to stay put until the period was over. My luck I ended up in his class. I didn't know anyone or I better put, I wasn't concerned about anyone in there. I finished as soon I could, not caring if I failed or not. I put my heard down and heard a thud on the desk. It was him. Smiling like it was his birthday. I ignored him. Not saying a word. He initiated and asked me if I heard the rumors. I nodded my head once. He then told me he was sorry. I got nervous. Never once in my life did I think I'd ever hear him say that out loud. He told me they broke up soon after due to the situation that had with his ex's parents. I don't know if I was released out of a cage or something. But I was relieved. We talked again. Like we did 1 years ago. But that summer it turned on me. He told me to check Facebook,know I despise that site but since he told me there was a surprise on his profile, I wanted to see. Scrolling down I found out he was in another relationship. I was heartbroken. By the same person. Twice. She was younger than us by one year. Quite a cute girl. Sweet too. I was going to accept it. I needed too. Also was the last time we ever talked. We are freshmen now. Time flew. I met him one last time out of pure coincidence. I was a cheerleading helper for my school. Or more like one of 4 couches. His girlfriend was on the team. I couldn't help but wonder how their love worked out til now. But on that day there was a fight between two of the girls on the team. One ran off crying and I was always a person to care for people and ran after her. I hugged her and told her I forgave her and that its okay. I then said that she needs to go home and rest. Unaware I closed the door. And couldn't get back in. I sat in the cold for 10 minutes until I heard a familiar voice. It was him. I was scared thinking I was going crazy and it was due to stress. I was so happy but I know he wasn't there for me but to pick up his girlfriend. He said hi to me and I said hi back. He question each other on why we were both outside. Laughing at each other, I felt a nostalgic presence of air. I hid my face. Knowing tears were going to come soon. But there was one question I wanted to ask him. What does he want to do with his life. I asked without hesitation. He told me he wants to get a baseball scholarship and go anywhere he gets accepted to. I told him my dream of being a psychologist. We had dreams, always aiming high. But he told me something that ended everything. He didnt want to leave his girlfriend behind. I thought he was to young to decided that it was her and only her. But I know that he was serious. He looked up at the sky and told me he really loved her. I gave up on that day. I wished him the best and that hopefully our paths will cross once again. He smiled and said "Yeah, one day". It was the best 3 years of my life. I used to think I will never love like I ever loved him before. I forgot what it felt. I missed him a lot. I want to go back and tell him how I felt and tell him that I was waiting for him. I couldn't. I was a coward. I wanted to be loved back. I wish to be loves back. To love someone. To let me fall in love once again...
Lundabi Lundabi
13-15, F
Dec 2, 2012