To Be Loved, You Must Love Yourself?

My problem is, I am such a depressed, cynical, unfun person that I don't attract people.  I mean, I can be alright on my good days, but I'm the kind of person, that, if you spend more of an hour with, you get self-conscious yourself.

I'm also the kind of person who you'd have an uncomfortable silence with on a date.

I always looked to a sunshiny person of fun to introduce me to the ways of happiness, and would make me happy!  That would change me! But, I've found, that if I want to attract happy people, I myself need to be happy!

What a challenge!  So, I guess I either have to find some other cynical person, or have to pretend to be something I'm not.  Can't anyone just love me, for me?  Can a happy person tolerate a cynical one?

vagabondwind vagabondwind
22-25, M
5 Responses Jul 31, 2007

One day I heard an interesting queston that got me thinking. The question was: If I were to be somone else, would I be attracted to me? This got me thinking about the kind of person I was, my lack of self-respect, unwillingness to take care of myself, always seeking to be validated by others, lack of belief in myself, etc. I had seen those types of people around and I knew that they definatetly didn't attract me, I would not look twice at them. I realised that I didn't like who I was so I have been changing, bit by bit. <br />
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So at the end of the day, whatever your personality, you need to be comfortable and happy about. Then everyone else will be too.

H-m-m-m that "Late Bird" did a awfully good job of striking the old nail on the head. <br />
Humor is almost always attractive and it takes many forms from dark and dry to slapstick goofy and much in between. Everyone dosent have to be in standup comic mode all the time. I personally have no problemwith a quiet gal as long as she has a twinkle in her eye! Not all cynics are doomsayers. Dont ya want more than tolerance though. Go for the Full monty there. The grand madness has destroyed many a cynic's career hahahaha

There's no need to change your *self* to make people like you. However, you might need to adjust your *interface*. <br />
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For a start, there must be *some* things you can be *mostly* positive and fun about: anime, toast, acting, Stephen Colbert, Donnie Darko, coffee, theatre, humanism... ;)<br />
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Sometimes the only difference between a cynical bastard that no-one can stand and a dry and debonair wit is mastering the fine art of irony :D<br />
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Leave your core self as it. But no need to *focus* on the downside *all* the time. That's just being unintelligent ;)

I think you need to change your view of yourself, I feel the same way that you do but instead of "unfun" i prefer to see it as a different kind of fun. And I didn't think anyone else really understood about the silent thing, i mean I don't get the point of talking at times, some persons consider it as being boring but i'm very aware of what's going on and even what they are thinking, I just don't feel like talking. And I've tried the "sunshiney persona" it didn't work, it's way better being me :)

I am not a happy go lucky person, I tend to be able to see the cynical side of things without much effort. But I also find that if I take some time to see the positive side of things I am in a much better mood. Sometimes I do need to just take a deep breathe and side step my cynicisms and find the things that I liked about something just so I can still enjoy myself. So no, I don't think you have to be something you are not, and I think that the optimists and cynical compliment each other very well, as long as they aren't always at odds with each other. The optimist can remind the cynical that not everything is doomed to fail, and the cynical can remind the optimist that you still need to plan for the worst. Just make sure you are letting yourself be reminded :-). Good luck, I am sure you will the person you are looking for.