Battle Against My Body

My whole life I've considered myself pudgy. I've never had that beautifully toned perfect body that every other girl in my school has and my hair cut has been having Bangs since I was born. I like to keep my looks, but not my body type.
A large majority of the girls in my school, especially the band room doll, have perfect, thin, flat figures that they barely even work for! They go around boasting about how they can eat four pizzas and still look the same a week later and then go fishing for attention by crying about how "fat" they are. Every time I see that happen I always say something cruel and horrible like "oh well if you're so fat then why don't you starve yourself you ugly pig", but I only make that comment about the person to my friends, the perfect girl never hears a word.
Also, they always go strutting around in booty shorts and tanks that show their midsections and tanks that let their boobs bulge out. My friends and I always label them as ***** for showing off their bodies like that. But secretly, if I had their bodies too, I would be doing the same.
I want to feel attractive. Of course when I tell my friends and boyfriend this they always respond with a slap to bring me to my senses and "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL SHUT UP!", I really appreciate them a lot. They are all the best things to happen to me really. But I'm selfish, I don't just want to believe the comments, I want to be able to look in the mirror and say "I'm attractive" and live my life satisfied. My body shape is holding me back from that.
Not trying to be to conceded or anything, but, I know that I have a pretty face. People have always told me that and it's the one thing about me that I can believe it's true. The rest of my body is a blob to me. My thighs look like sausages being compressed in what ever pants I'm wearing, my biceps sag, my hips stick out so I'm very pear shaped, I have no curves, and my stomach basically hangs off my body. My biggest fear in life is being fat, my current body shape isn't helping me get over the fear that I'm actually gaining weight. I just wish I could be like the other girls, not having to but effort into anything and still look gorgeous.
I'm not overweight, but I feel like I am every single day. I eat healthy and work out, but the fat, sags, and sausage thighs won't go away. I feel fatter and fatter every day. Some days I won't eat a thing because I feel so rotten about my self. I'm just relieved to know that I'm not the only one.
AfetxXavier AfetxXavier
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 8, 2012

you girls are young both pretty when i always was a big guy in elementry school jr high and part of high school i got picked on for being big. once you get out of school things will change i look back at th ppl who made fun of me and they are a mess now and work flipping burgers. dont worry about them stay focused at school and grad there is some one out there who likes you for you just got to find them intill then heck with the rest ur fine

I feel exactly the same girl. I'm trying to learn to just accept who I am because a lot of the beauty in life is missing when you're constantly self-grasping for looks or a different body.<br />
If you need anything, don't hesitate to message me. :)<br />
- Athena