To Be

I do want to feel beautiful.

I suppose everyone does.

I don’t really know what would make me feel beautiful….

Some days I feel better then others. Sometimes I feel like I am pretty. Other days….not so much.

I’m not fat, I know mentally I’m not…but I feel fat all the time. I just can’t seem to accept myself.

You would think that being alone would make you feel more beautiful then being in a crowd, but no…I am alone a lot, and it often makes me feel less beautiful.

It’s as if I am surrounded by my own standards and expectations for myself which ironically, are very high.

I want to feel beautiful….

I want to be beautiful.

I want to be more then beautiful. I want to feel as though I am beautiful enough.

Enough to be cared about, and loved…enough to matter. Enough to look in the mirror and smile -really smile at the joy of simply feeling that the person in the mirror is worthy of love.

Why can’t everyone be thought of as beautiful?

I wonder why there has to be a sense of shame and why there has to be thoughts of feeling so unloved.


I’m not the only one…everyone wants to be beautiful. I wish I could help everyone feel valuable and show people their own beauty…..I can’t though, because I can’t even do it for myself.

stormynightsky stormynightsky
22-25, F
25 Responses Mar 9, 2009

'Why can’t everyone be thought of as beautiful?' is a question i have also wanted the answer too. as for you =) you are beautiful in soul and looks, lol. But i know how you feel. i look in the mirror and turn away thinking how i would love to be beautiful but other times i look and think 'well it could be worse'...looks are only there to deceive i think, it's the beauty of the sol which counts and shines the most ultimately =)., xXx

Yeah I knwo what you mean... there are some people with that other side. But it's really only sadness, and fear, or comes out as anger though. They just need to know they are valuable too, but with some people...sometimes, it is hard connect with them and difficult to know what to say and do!

Oh thanks Twister!!!! I think everyone just needs to hear that sometimes. :)

Yeah I know what it's like to feel the pressure from society and everyone else. That’s one contributing factor to the feeling of worthlessness. All those expectations that are set up by the companies? They are first and foremost about what ’sells’ and what brings in the dollar. They are trying to 'sell' their products, and also selling us their standards. People buy into it though, I know I did for so long. I was never good enough...I just assumed I needed to be better, thinner, always, it was never enough. It's a sad totally destructive lifestyle though, and the price I pays was my health and loosing energy and so many other things too. *sigh* If only we could go back in time....but no, I am glad I went through that in one sense because at least now maybe I can help others, and if nothing else I know for myself...that true beauty is NOT found in conforming to a plastic/false/airbrushed/anorexic/made-up standard that was created by a company…<br />
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Real beauty is found it truth.

I would rather know a woman that was as bright and articulate as you are than to know a woman whose beauty was only skin deep. In other words, as many here have said, look within, realize you are made in God's image, which in itself is beautiful, and know that you are beautiful and worth so much to so many. And don't go to the trouble to worry about what others think of you, focus on what you think of yourself and grow to be happy with yourself.<br />
As a side thought, I worry that so many young women on EP think of themselves as fat and have eating disorders. Where does this image of beauty come from? It was made up by a bunch of crazy people in NYC called advertising executives that want everyone to think of anorexic women as beautiful. But look at what a real woman looks like, throughout history, and you will see that most had great curves, large hips and full breasts, soft and cuddly to look at. I think I prefer that type of woman over what someone who is trying to sell me a product thinks I should prefer.

Right, true....that is all about money. People have insecurities... and so the doctors make their dollar off of those. <br />
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Until people can accept their own selves, the whole cycle continues. I think it starts with 'not feeling valued' and it gets carried off into the whole cycle of self judging, and then other people join in judging you too...<br />
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...they only do it after all, because they themselves are also insecure. :(

hmmm unfournatly thats not always the case, sometimes ppl judge you more than you do your self....<br />
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you know its a dark world when ppl are paying doctors to cut their faces up to make themselves beautiful to fit in with society......

Exactly! Ironic huh? <br />
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Sometimes it helps to view yourself through another say, think about yourself as though you were being judged by another person, it helps a bit because I guarantee no one else will be judging you so hard as you youself do.

lol and its weird, i never judge others but i do judge myself lol

Yeah we don't let ourselves get away with anything do we? <br />
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Always criticizing ourselves, and nothing's ever good enough. So judgmental! :p

lol i know what you mean Stormy i am my own worst critic too lol

Oh thanks for your comment. :)<br />
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I know that's true, and the funny thing is, is that i ''get'' that, it makes sense. But, I mean, to me, even though others are beautiful, and I see way beyond the surface...I'm my own worse critic, as we all tend to be probably, really....

ah every woman is beautfuil in their own way Stormy, they have their own personal charm that is theirs and theirs alone. and i believe inner beauty if more important than outer beauty. what is the point of being beauitful on the outside if your not on the inside?

Thanks music!<br />
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I do that too. Usually, as you say, the "results" are not positive. :(<br />
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Especially with weight too…it’s not nearly as bad as it was, but well…sometimes…<br />
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But who's judging anyways? We are not a good judge of ourselves when it comes to that. :p <br />
Perspectives tend to ‘color’ someone. If they are loved, they look beautiful to the one who loves them. <br />
If they are hated, they are ugly. It’s interesting really. <br />
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I hope someday to be able to look in the mirror and just feel completely beautiful. I think though, it’s something we all do struggle with.

I feel the same way. Some days, I feel good, other days...not so much.<br />
Today, I looked in the mirror and realised (again) that I am not fat. I was sort of startled when I thought "I'm very happy with how I look." <br />
I always do this. When I look in the mirror, the revelations aren't always so positive though. <br />
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Amazing comments from others :)

Thank you so much for your comment Analyzer!!! I think you are EXACTLY right. <br />
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Beauty is directly related to worth.<br />
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It is hard to feel beautiful, when you think you are worthless. <br />
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Thank you for bringing out this very important point! It unlocked a few things inside my mind.

You are right GhostRiderInTheSky! <br />
I have seen her...kind of... and i can say that she IS looking like an angel :P


I've never seen you, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are beautiful on the inside. And if your looks match your personality, you must look like an angel <br />
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Thank you 5Cs, that is a really great thought! <br />
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Let's just say that I thought of it first. <br />
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*heads off to take credidt for 5C's great thought.....*

Maybe you just need to find that person who appreciates all the beautiful things about you and then your feelings of shame and being unloved would lift...But until that person does come Tebza is right....Why don't you remind yourself you were created in God's image and so you should use God's standards and not your idea of what beauty is! Not a bad idea!!

That is a very good book :) You should read it!

AwakingDreamer, <br />
<br />
What does that mean? <br />
<br />
Is that a quote from an author?

Vladimir Megre "Anastasia"<br />
...and you will find beauty in everything.

I know you guys are right. <br />
"Know" it, but still don't really "feel" it.<br />
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Oh well.....<br />
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Thanks for the comments. :)