That Final Barrier

I used to be the type of person who adored and trusted EVERYONE. It didn't matter who they were, I felt like they were my best friend. I always worried people didn't REALLY love me in return, but I just felt so open with them anyway because I loved them so much. I was insane,lol, but if I could go back to that you can guarantee I would! Life happens though. You live, you learn, you hope, you regret....Somewhere along the way I started growing more hesitant to open up as much. People told my secrets, misinterpreted things I said, held the past over my head....all of the typical, obvious things that happen when you're too open with the world.:P Now, I just can't bring myself to take that final step...I get to know people, form relationships, develop feelings...yet, I just can't get past that final barrier. It's always there, preventing me from trusting them enough to show my weaknesses. When I do slip, I start saying things that are completely foreign to me in some unintentional attempt to appear like I don't care/nothing hurts me. I must either look like a rambling idiot or a cold, heartless jerk. Who knows, maybe they see right through me...I really wish I could just bring myself to fully trust someone again. It's exhausting analyzing every little thing and being suspicious of their thoughts or intentions. Besides, I know if I'm having doubts I must be showing that...and that probably doesn't make THEM feel very loved either. I hope someone will come along and sprinkle some star dust over me and fix all of this. If only it were that simple...
cherryxblossom cherryxblossom
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 22, 2010

I understand how you feel and I've had some of the same things happen to me but I'd rather trust people and get burned once in awhile than shut the world out.

i hear ya sister *hugs*