Where's The Little Umbrella? That's What Makes It As Scotch On The Rocks.

I'm so close! after being lonely for so long, i was finally blessed with opportunities to change it. basically, i've screwed myself over about 75% in the short amount of time i've been given to take chances on this. im hanging on by a thread and my worst sides are beginning to surface. as if my subconcious has some alterior motive to make sure i never do anything that could bring me joy, and replaces optimism with irrational fear. i cant screw this up because this could give my life potential purpose again, as i've been only existing for about 2 years now.

i need help. i need to act like myself, while acting nothing like myself and do all the things i want to do, even though my body, mind, and whatever the **** else is involved tell me no. time to face my fears, man up, grow a pair, accept my fate, not give a ****, be the master of my own destiny, climb the tallest building, get a bug, look down the barrel of the gun, and pee into the wind.

P.S. you'll probably see me here next week and all the depression pages when i fail and talk about how everything sucks, how i'll die alone, and resort to marrying a skunk.
matiswest matiswest
18-21, M
Dec 8, 2012