i a totally hopeless when it comes to getting close to someone i always seem to be so self concious that i push them away or nobody likes me enough..its the same old story over and over again :( i have to ask..whats wrong with me

??????????????/ xx

lifenotknife lifenotknife
26-30, F
6 Responses Aug 11, 2007

Have you tried to say the true? Say it: "I'm self conscious now (it might change, it might not) but it's just because I'm self-aware and it doesn't have to a bad thing." Well, not with those words, with your words, first to accept it, and then (if needed and if you feel like it) you can say it to others, see, you might say: but why if the joke back at me or become avoidant? that's cool! they showed their real face, so you'll stop losing time! your time as value too! and if they appreciate the truth and are open themselves: then you'll win a friend!

Of course it's not as easy as it's said, it took me years to deal with it, but yeah, at this point if people don't like me, that's ok, they had their parameters, you had yours (maybe you like cultured people, maybe you like them funny, maybe you like them sporty, whatever) and that's ok.

If you're self conscious it's not necessarily a bad thing, I mean it can be a bad thing when looked at it as a bad thing, but if you can use that awareness (of your virtues and issues) you can move forward.

Please take care, shot me a message if you want to.

Im losing the hope to be with someone, sometimes i feel very scared to have to live the rest of my life alone.

Sorry if I'm interrupting your message, instead of photo-bombing I do message-bombing, haha! but see: what would be the worse that would happen if you were to be alone? Currently you're alone and still breathing, probably you'll tell me: "yeah, but I'm sad, scared, have issues", but see it this way: if you go to a relationship like that (sad, scared and with issues) all that will remain if you were in a relationship, because you would be choosing from sadness and fear, and I think that when we choose someone (or life choose this person for us) we must do it out of love, not out of fear.

Being alone is hard, but being with someone else and feeling alone is worse.

Please take care!

Thanks for write me. You say the truth but we (humans) are imperfect :(

I am the same way. I always feel unworthy of other peoples attention. When someone does give me attention I feel like I blow it by being uninteresting. I feel like there is something wrong with me all the time. It always seems that no one else has the same problem. I watch other people interacting so easily and enjoying themselves. It's a terrible existence. It feels like I can never think of anything interesting to say, I panic and say something stupid, then feel like the other person lost respect or something for me. I dunno.. I know how you feel though. At least it is comforting to know that someone else has the same problem as me..

Oh!!! So that was a problem? I'm realizing of this right now! Thank heaven I joined to this site! I always assumed that when people acted like that (saying something "stupid" or acting "uninteresting") was more like they disliked me, so I used to go away! like I stopped interacting because I sweared they saw something bad in me and were doing that in a deliberate manner in order to push me away!

Has you tried to, say the true? Like: "Sorry, I tell bad jokes sometimes, but you can talk to me if you want" because actually I've been the other person (the ones who feel weird at you after that) because I've felt like insulted or something (because I'm a big baby, haha) and in my case it would be ok if people told me something like that.

And anyway some people won't like us, but that's ok, you must have standards too, so anyway, be interesting to yourself, eventually you'll find others with some of your same interests.

yeah I also have this problem. Like luxaeterna, I think the cause of this is outlined by fear of getting hurt. The only way to overcome it would be to embrace the pain and realize that there can be happiness too.<br />
In your situation, however, I think its mainly about your self consciousness. I'm not sure what the solution for that is because I am self conscious too

I have this problem, too. I never let anyone get too close to me because I am afraid of being hurt. I am self conscious, too, but I can't say that's the reason. I just have a really hard time trusting anybody. I have never been close to anyone, at least the way I want to. It's really hard to let your guard down to let someone in when you've been hurt in the past.

maybe you don't let anyone in? that's my problem i'm too guarded.

And why is that a problem! Because three years ago I thought that was a problem, thing is that time showed me who this people -I distrusted to let them in- were, and I was relieved to know I didn't let them in (they didn't have their best intentions anyway), if you're guarded because of your own instincts there's nothing wrong with it.