It's Just Not Gonna Happen

feeling desired, I guess. And I mean in all aspects of my life. From my friends ignoring me, to my crush losing interest in me to my mom wishing I had not been born- I guess you could say I'm the poster child for undesirable. I haven't gotten out of bed in three days (just to go to church) and I've been living on oreos and granola bars. I've deactivated my facebook and I'm written my last post on tumblr should something go wrong in real life. I keep wondering whether I should kill myself or if I'm depressed or not and I still haven't figured out what's wrong with me. All I know is that I am a pretty awesome person- I read, I write, I love learning knew languages, I love tea, going to bookstores, having intellectual discussions- but I have come to the conclusion that somewhere down the line, people will get fed up with me and hate me. So here's what I'm going to do now: I'm just going to disappear. Not now- I'm just in my last year of high school so I've gotta stick it out a bit longer. But once I get to college, I will shut down all forms of contact with me. No facebook, tumblr, or even a cellphone to call. While I am in college, I will find a part time job and save up just enough to rent an apartment (though I admit, I'll most likely need a roommate for a while). I don't know what I'm going to do with my life but it essentially will be made up of me moving to new places and traveling. The longer I stay in one place, the likelier the chance people will hate me, right? So I don't intend on staying in one place. I don't hate myself (most days, anyway) and I'm not interested in dying (at least not yet) so the least I can do to keep people from being annoyed with me and hating me is to travel endlessly and lost contact with people over and over again. (Maybe I'll get lucky and fall in love a few times. Heh.)