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C'est Impossible.....

I do want to feel like I matter.  This has been one of the main themes of the problems I have with my stb ex, AgingTiger.  There is no need to go into the many times and ways in which he's shown me that I don't matter. I will only relate the latest slap in the face.  

In July, my divorce from the man I left for Tiger, was final, and I was granted the use of my maiden name.  But....since I was marrying Tiger so shortly after the divorce, we decided it would be foolish to get all ID changed over twice in a couple of months. So we decided to keep my married name on all ID and documents until we were married, and just do them all once.  We used my maiden name in everyday conversation, but it was understood, and reiterated several times, that when we got the marriage license, it would have to necessarily have my married name on it, b/c it would have to match my ID, which hadn't been changed.  

I have been having long bouts on insomnia.  Out of the last week, I have slept seven hours....until last night.  Finally, I got my ambien.  I told Tiger, I was taking it right away, and getting some rest...he encouraged me to do so.  His job, while I was asleep, was to get the marriage license.  Which he did....in my MAIDEN NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It is of no account, and cannot be used.  And he wondered why I was upset.  

"I can change it"...he says, indignantly."


"That is NOT the point.  You had one thing to do.  One VERY important thing.  You KNEW what the name had to be, and why."

"I didn't even think about it...."
"Yes....I know you didn't.  B/c if you had, you would've gotten the correct name of your FIANCE on your MARRIAGE LICENSE!!!!!!  Evidently, it's not important enough to marry me, to make sure you get my name right!"

He tossed over a box he had in the room and stormed off.  So I followed...knocking things over, myself.  I got near him.....and he hit me.  HE HIT ME!!!!!!!! HARD!!!!!!!! Across the face and head...twice..then started to hit my arms....I sank to the floor in horror....
"YOU HIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  I screamed..  He stomped off.


I sat there stunned for a few minutes, my face stinging and my head ringing.  Then I called 911.  I went and sat in front of Tiger as I made the call.  He sat on the front stoop waiting for them.  When they arrived, he told them that yes, he had hit me, but that I had hit him, too!!!!   Mother ******* liar!  He also tried to tell them that I had made all the mess in the house....even the large box that he had thrown over to get things moving.  They said, they didn't know who to believe...the five foot four girl, or the five foot ten man (  rotflmmfao!!).  So, they gave us a choice.  Either of us could leave or either of us could go to the statiion to press charges.  At two am, I preferred not to leave.  Tiger decided to go.  There is one thing I should say here.  Tiger and I agreed long ago, if he leaves and stays out all night, I will take that as tantamount to saying "Penny leave".  So, my friends...there you have it.....going down, going down, going all the way down...............................................................................................................................................................................  

lonesurvivor lonesurvivor 51-55, F 7 Responses Nov 9, 2010

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Thanks, Artsy...yes..he's getting help. He's afflicted with both Borderline Personality Disorder, and DID...his meds did seem to be controlling his behavior, for a while, but his current Dr. refuses to adjust them, now that his rages have gotten worse. He's already made an appointment with a new shrink, and has had one appointment with a therapist and another is scheduled for this week. <br />
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Yes...I've been in an abusive relationship before, too. I will not put up with violence. If the meds don't start to keep him on a more even keel, I will leave. He knows this...and it's non negotiable.<br />
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Thanks for caring, Artsy!<br />
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xoxo

oh my god lone;) that is not good, I went through that with someone for a year....if he hits, it never stops..i stayed alone for a very long time, but then found love here I think...hope..but oh you must hurt, I am so sorry, hopes getting dashed and if he cares, he would fight for you, he has to care enough to do so, I hope so...he can get help, I hope so, and change for you, that means he loves you, cheers for the best outcome my friend:)*hugsx*

Thank you, TRW....He's getting help..thank God!<br />
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xoxo

Oh dear. I am ever so concerned now.

WHAT THE ****???!!!!! How dare he hit you!!!!!!! You deserve better than this... i'm absolutely stunned (and pissed off) that he hit you!!!! If he's doing this now what will he do when your married?? Don't stand for this sis, stick your fingers up at him and say 'F you! I can do better!'. I'm here for you (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Yes....I know...I am an abuse survivor already....<br />
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Thanks, Jerrica

it's one thing to have verbal altercations but when it gets physical it's time to go. bump that, you don't need that in your life and if it happened once it's likely to happen again.