It's so hard not to get that feeling. Like I'm in a room full of people and I don't even exist. I wish I were normal. I wish I were lovable. I look at other people around me and all I see is there magnetic personalities, and then there is me. I'm not even that interesting. I'm not really that smooth. Every moment I'm fumbl;ing by looking for a purpose. That's why I am look for a job to love, because I keep thinking if I find that job then maybe my life will start to matter. But that hasn't happened since I was 15 and that certainly won't happen again. Probably not, any way. It's so hard staying happy.