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I Feel Like I Don't Matter

Maybe I am just sensitive or feeling sorry for myself, or maybe the world is just filled with self obsessed, selfish ******** who believe everyone is to do for them - I don't know?

I really try to be a good person not because i have to but because this is who i am and let me tell you, this ****!

I can't help but worry and go out of my way for other people, I think about peoples feelings, accomplishments, families, happiness etc... And I am always trying to help if I am not being asked or assumed that i will.

I was raised to never ask or borrow - so I have worked hard to have what i have and to find my own happiness, alot of which comes from helping others and making sure my family is happy.

So my problem is this here are a few examples:

My cousin with to many kids she can't afford always assumes that if she mentions something she or the kids need i will supply such, yes i usually do - does she say thank you? NO! This year was her daughters birthday, she invited me and my children to her child's party we show up and inside are hanging balloons and a cake - she says i couldn't afford presents this year - so i tell her I'll be right back i forgot something - i ran to the closest store filled up a cart and quickly wrapped the presents in the car. I had my cousin come out and bring them in, i couldn't bear for her child to be teased with a birthday party & no presents -

Anyhow - no thank you! Next month she needed diapers,  milk, food from my freezer etc..... No thank you!

Anyhow i go out of my way for her & her family! Christmas was coming and she brought her children over - we baked cookies and i offered my cousin coffee as we chatted about the kids and life- she says yea my kids are so sweet i had them make cards for the neighbors?????????? I am like wtf.

Right now i work full time as a broker (60-70hrs a wk) - my principal broker has realized all that i have to offer-, technology wise, mentoring & training wise, basically everything i do i am pretty good at, other agents in the office feel that i am the go to person including the other brokers who have been in the business longer than i have been. Problem is sharing my intellect has turned into my principal broker/ owner turning to me for everything, in the meantime i have my own business to run - this does not occur to him even though he writes my checks when a property sells - while I am helping him, his other business and everyone else!!! My own business is taking a hit. This has been discussed w/ him - I have so much to offer and could be so successful else where! Last week I found out even though I am the 2nd - There are only me & one other who are top brokers, that i have the lowest cut and do the most work - I am the most loyal and the most screwed!

 

My fiance - I have been with him for years (15 this Xmas, i am not that old) - too many, he forgets to tell me nice things to show me that i matter, he forgets to ask how i am or care when i am upset or need someone to talk to, i have talked to him about my concern for his happiness and life - his reply i don't ask you for anything, if you don't like how i am find someone else! - he thinks the toilet paper angles come to deliver his toiletries, the laundry gets done by the laundry fairies, the dishes by his invisible maid, etc............. I have 3 children & a business, no one to talk to and I feel like i don't matter - My own mother doesn't call to see if i am alive and she lives less than a mile away ( I am her only Child).

Sometimes i wish i could be so self absorbed that these things don't matter or maybe i am because they bother me, i don't know - my fiance says i just feel sorry for myself??????

I say I have no one to talk to because all my friends have their own problems and i am not the type to burden others besides having to much pride I am embarrassed.

 

 

 

cmecry cmecry 26-30 3 Responses Dec 22, 2008

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I know exactly how you feel. I give to my family and have lost everything. I give 200% to every job or career I've had and the first to get laid off, over looked, yet the one they always run to for ideas, suggestions, guidance, and advice. I give to my boyfriend of over 22 years and he doesn't feel like I deserve dinner and has a fit if I go out on my own. I just don't get it. I'm so tired.

It sounds like you need to take care of you. If you won't, no one else will. Why are you putting other peoples wants/needs ahead of your own happiness? I'm not saying don't ever do that, just that for you to give yourself what you NEED first, and learn to say no. It's hard, especially when you want to help, but if you don't stand up for what you need, you'll keep getting taken advantage of. You deserve to have the appreciation and love you want and if you are not getting it, stop giving.

Sometimes I feel the same way. Right now I'm out of work, but my sister needs things. I received a lump sum of money, finally paid off my student loan, helped my son with a problem he had gotten himself into, paid all the credit cards, and had to pay a lot of taxes on this. My sister is living with this guy for about 4 years now and he doesn't give her much. She doesn't work. Last Xmas I gave her some money to go back for xmas to her kids and grandkids. He spent some of that money that was to go to her. He gambles a lot and they've had to move so many times because he doesn't have the money to pay rent. I give her money, take her out to buy things like food of whatever she needs. She is diabetic and she needs her medication and food. She get her medication free but I have to go down to pick it up because she lost her ID. I try not to be so nice because I feel that she is taking advantage of me but I don't want her to die.<br />
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My husband also tells me that I feel sorry for myself if I feel bad. I know he loves me and right now he is in so much pain and getting survery next month, but he has been so cranky and I feel that I can't do anything right.