I Want to Feel Loved

I Feel Like I'm Missing Out On Love

By: eattv

Written on December 27th, 2008

I'm just like everyone else I suppose. I have a family that loves me very much and a handful of friends that love me, but I feel like there is so much love that I'm missing out on.

I want someone to show sincere interest in me and wonder how I'm doing. I would love nothing more than to have someone reach out to me at this very moment and say, "Are you okay?" I wish I could tell the people that love me that I have all this pain I'm trying to deal with, but the times I have turned to them they seem awkward and in a rush to get out of the situation I've put them in.

I grew up without a father. I'm just now really leaning the story of what happened and it makes me even more sad that he didn't ever try to find me. I've never even had a father figure. My mom married my stepfather when I was very young, but he's always made it very clear that my brother and I were not his children and would say mean things like, "If I were your father I would have left you too." All I ever wanted was a dad to love me, he could have given that to my brother and I - but he didn't.

Lately I've been feeling like the people close to me in my life are worried about their own personal issues than to bother helping me through my bouts of depression. I don't expect them to be there every waking moment, bu when I go to them desperately needing a shoulder to cry on they make me feel worse for even needing them - my boyfriend being the worst.

I recently decided that the best thing to do for my life right now is to go to college. I found a college I really like and hopefully will be attending in the fall, but it's far away from where my boyfriend and I live right now. Instead of cheering me on to success, he's saying "What about me?" I tell him all the time I'd love nothing more than for him to come along with me, but he refuses to leave the city he's known all his life. I would never ask him to do something that didn't make him happy, but he makes me feel like I'm a horrible person for pursuing my dreams. I feel so torn and so afraid to even bring up going to school in front of him as it always starts a fight.

I don't know if it's asking too much to have just one person I knew I could call when I felt down. Someone that didn't mind that I do get depressed pretty often and was willing to listen to my problems and help build me back up. I want to meet my father and have him be so happy to see me and love me and be someone I can count on. As I get older I'm finding out there are less and less people in my life I can really count on, which only builds onto my depression.

By: eattv

Age: 22-25 , Female

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5 responses

mira09

Hi there, it is unfortunate but true that some times even people who care for us are unable to reach out to us because they simply cant relate to what you're going through.

Not having that sense of security or being loved by some one without any conditions is depressing. Feel really sorry for this.

But you know, for that you didn't have a choice. But you do have a choice about your future. You made a great decision about going to college. There, you'll meet more people and you'll realize that you either come across like minded people or just people who teach you to 'move on' by just being good company.

Invest in yourself! Love yourself! Take care of your looks, your stuff. Express! Paint, dance...whatever you like.

I know its very tempting to sometimes hold on to things that make you sad. You see, depression too can be comforting. Your boyfriend, is not going to hang on forever if he's thinking about himself first or needs you to make him happy! If he values you enough, he could provide you really good emotional support from a distance too! If that does not occur to him, you need to think what exactly you're holding on to here! Can't give you a radical suggestion on this post only though...

Go out there girl, make a life for yourself! Strive through ups and downs by yourself for sometime. When you get that sense of achievement in some time,

you'll see that you'll find more and more people who really value you!

In the end, everything will be fine. Actually it will be good :)

Dec 8, 2009
1 like
fabianscorpio

I know how you feel, and it feels horrible. Think positive, one day that person will be there for you.

Oct 15, 2009
1 like
fabianscorpio

I know how you feel, and it feels horrible. Think positive, one day that person will be there for you.

Oct 15, 2009
1 like
fabianscorpio

I know how you feel, and it feels horrible. Think positive, one day that person will be there for you.

Oct 15, 2009
1 like
notdarcy

Eattv - what Shelsbels (Shelby - what a striking name!) said was pretty comprehensive! So I'll be brief with my two cents.

If your youth was starved of love and affection,it's no wonder you crave it now. That's completely normal - and human.

It sounds like you could do with someone just taking the time to talk to you now and again - and,more importantly,to listen to you when you need to express hopes,fears,insecurities,dreams - whatever. You seem to be short on sympathetic/empathetic ears. I'm sorry to hear that.

On the plus side,you've found EP. There are lots of good listeners here. Many have been through some of your troubles and come through them. You'll find this place a big help if you talk to the right people.

You could do worse than start with Shelby... : )

Good luck!

Dec 28, 2008
2 likes

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