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The Way Things Used To Be...

I remember a time when a simple touch meant the world to me. A touch that was accompanied with a smile, and a look in her eyes that said it all. Now the touches and smiles rarely come, and that look is never there. I remember a time when I heard 'I love you' before she hung up the phone, and I had no fears or doubts. Now, I don't hear it at all and my fears and doubts is all I hear inside my head. I remember a time when we'd go to bed and hold each other, snuggle for a bit, and say 'good night, I love you'. Now there is no snuggling, and there are no more good nights, and there are no more I love you's before I fall asleep. I used to love the way her hand would feel resting upon my chest, as if she felt safe, and it made me feel safe too, and loved. Now there is none of that at night. I'm left with only memories of a time when all this seemed so easy and natural, and it seems I am left to fall asleep all by myself. I miss the little kisses before bed time, when we woke up, before we parted ways and sometimes for no reason at all. Looking back, those little kisses seemed so much bigger now...now that they are missed. Yes, I missed feeling loved.

fabianscorpio fabianscorpio 36-40, M 2 Responses Oct 15, 2009

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Your story really touched me, I feel the same way about my husband accept we are still together. I feel like at 46 I am and have been missing out on love and tenderness that I deserve. I am too young to go without but I have no other choice. I was the one always giving the attention and couldn't do it anymore without getting it back. Now I just get all the negative things about myself. I dream about feeling those things that you mentioned. I really feel for you and hope somehow things get easier.

Thank you. <br />
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Yeah, I know a lot has happened between my wife and I, and I know that she is trying. It may be that she needs to fall in love with me again. After all, she was just in love with someone else not too long ago, so how can I expect her to love me. How can expect that newness and excitement to return, when what she had with him was 'new' and refreshing, and what we have is bogged down with all of life's responsibilities of a family. I have accepted what she has done and told her that she would get 100% from me, but I don't feel 100% from her. We were supposed to go back to therapy, but we never have. I'm sure things are difficult for her, but still, a little effort through understanding and compassion isn't too much to ask for. Especially not after what she has done to me. *shrugs* I try to be sensitive and tell her softly how I miss these things, and all she says is, "Nothing I do is good enough". I don't want her to feel this way, I only want her to show some compassion, and say, "I understand."