Need Some Love

I've always tried to stay positive. By all accounts, I've got a million reasons to be happy. I've got a home, a loving family, and a good future ahead of me. But I'm not happy. I'm actually quite sad...

I've always been something of a loner, but recently, I've realized just how jarring the sting of loneliness is. I'm something of an introvert, but I do just fine in the company of others. Unfortunately, I don't find myself in their presence very often. Perhaps it's because I'm overbearing. Perhaps I expect too much of people. Or perhaps I'm right in thinking that relationships mean nothing anymore.

Every time I've been in a relationship (platonic, that is), the other party has been decidedly fair-weathered. To all, it seems I'm nothing more than a meal ticket. Make no mistake, I never let people walk over me; I'm actually quite inflexible. But I have far too much compassion for others, and that's always been my weak-point. I believe there's good in everyone, no matter how many times I'm proven wrong. 

I often refer to myself as a relic; in many ways, my viewpoints are quite dated. For one thing, I'm a creative individual living in a society too afraid to think for itself. I make a point of dressing nice, treating my 'friends' well, and generally trying my best to be a 'good' person. I'm quite sarcastic, open-minded, and absolutely smitten with music (classical, mind you). I have a witty sense of humor, and do my best to make others laugh as well. I'm actually quite good-looking too, without sounding too conceited... 

On the flip-side, I'm rather with forward with people, and am occasionally short-tempered. I hate being judged but sometimes find it irresistible to judge others. I am an obsessive perfectionist, and find it hard to relate to people who are careless. I'm not high-strung, but I find those without a sense of class to be inferior. I have to admit my shortcomings, or else my tale sounds like another one-sided sob-story.

So what's the problem? Apparently, kindness and passion are traits unappreciated in today's day and age. I spend my nights alone, wishing I had someone to love and hold and give myself to. I want someone to accept me for who I am, not for who they want me to be. Those of you reading this know what I mean. Each passing day hurts more than the last, and by the end of the week, I often wonder what's left to fight for. 

I hope I don't sound like a total moron; I just don't want to feel unwanted anymore. I've wasted too much time yearning for better things that, despite my honest efforts, I've yet to achieve. Right now, the question on my mind is this: Are love and happiness real, or are they just wonderful, terrible dreams?

davidjb100 davidjb100
18-21, M
3 Responses Mar 9, 2010

Same here..i can feel u

Both love and happiness are quite difficult to come by. I'm on the same boat as you at the moment. I'm considering lowering my expectations and seeing where life takes me in terms of finding those two things at once.

you and me buddy it seems like theirs a line of people in front of you though don't worry you'll get your happy ending one day. don't give up