A Memory.....

I don't remember the last time I had a hug that had any meaning. I honestly don't. It is more then a year, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was 2.

It kills me, because it hurts. So much......

I know I have people that love me. I have pleny of friends who I DO know that they care for me. And they get me through the worst times.

But at the same time, I know they are far away.

I find it hard though, I would kill for some meaningful physical contact. Just a hug is all I ask for. Just one meaningful hug.Or a hand on mine to say "I am there".

And I can't stand the fact that I am not going to get one.

It hurts.

I can't stand coming home, I just want someone there to say "how was your day?" and maybe a hug. Or someone asking me "are you ok" and knowing that they mean it, seeing that they mean it.

I have even gotten to the stage where I walk out of rooms when I see my house-mate with her BF (they are quite a close couple) or my friends with their BFs/ GFs. Its just too hard to see that anymore, for I know I can't get anything like that from someone.

I shudder when people brush up against me. And that is the thing that horrifies me most. Its gross and I can't stand it. I don't want to.

I just want to feel normal again, to feel awake and alive.

I just want to feel real.

(Sorry, just venting)

TheWanderingSupertramp TheWanderingSupertramp
26-30, M
3 Responses Mar 7, 2010

Me too Destiney, but I guess they are enough

Thanks BA

Don't ever be sorry for letting your feelings to be known. I know from experience it's hard when you feel like you're reaching out for a hand that's not there. I wish there were something I could do to help you out, but unfortunately all I can do is offer you the same cyber hug that any long distant friend can do.. but it does mean something.. I AM glad that you at least know and don't doubt the fact your friends love you... I find that most of the people I love the most are far away from me also, so in that I can relate.