A Man`s Story

I find it sad reading some of the stories that the women have been writing here about self/body image killing desire.

My story comes from a different perspective. I`m a guy in his mid 40`s who is lucky enough to have kept his looks pretty well. I can lose a little weight, although you`d hardly say I was fat. My hair is going a little gray, and the first signs of my hair thinning are becoming evident. But I look in the mirror and I like what I see.

Before you think I`m here to be concieted, I just want to let you ladies know how your poor body image can affect your partners. And to remind you that you are probably a whole lot sexier than you will allow yourselves to be.

My wife and I have been together for over 20 years, and in all that time our sex life has been ok at best, and lately quite frosty and infrequent. Why? I think its my wifes body image.

She has always been on the plump side, but to me she is visual perfection. Everytime I see her I just want to get her naked and live out all my sordid fantasies with her.

But, If I try to tell her she is pretty, or that she is sexy, or looks stunning. Then I get knocked down with an angry ``NO I`M Not!`` Then I usually get a lecture on every concievable physical flaw she percieves she has. This rant is usually rounded off by the accusation that I`m only saying these things because I want sex.

Ok, the truth is, that yes! I do want sex, and lots of it. Wild adventurous, lustful sex. I am guilty as charged. But I only want this sex to occur with this crazy sexy woman. If she was as repulsive as she would have me believe, then I wouldn`t want to touch her with a bargepole.

Its the nastiness that she sprays me with when I pay her my heartfelt appreciation of her beauty that really irks me, and the accusations that it is my male member doing the talking.

Women still look at me. I`m lucky. In fact I`ve had a number of offers to cheat on my wife, but I`ve never seriously considered acting on these. If it was just sex I wanted, then I`m confident I could get me some. But, I can honestly say that my real desire is to enjoy some red hot lovin` from this sexy woman that I have spent so long with. It is a real hunger.

My wife will never initiate love-making, she no longer hugs me, or holds my hand like she used to. She rarely even kisses me goodbye as she leaves for work anymore. As for sex, well that is lights off, no looking, get me off as soon as possible so that she can go to sleep. It makes me miserable.

I write her love-letters/poems, cook sumptuous meals, write songs for her and I was the one that pleaded with her into us going to counselling. But the whole lot seems a waste. She will not accept that she is stunning to at least one person, and she will not allow herself to feel good about her sensuality. For my part I feel selfish for desiring her, and redundant.

So yes, I want to feel sexy, and beautiful. But only to this one woman.


musicmad musicmad
41-45, M
10 Responses Mar 24, 2009

When I read a story like yours I realize just how lucky I am to have a beautiful wife who responds’ to my attentions in such a positive way. I too wish I had the magic words of advice to help but I don't. At least your story has made me appreciate what I have as so special. Good luck in your quest for a happy and fulfilling relationship with your love. dc

It is enlightening to read it from a man's perspective. I wish I had some advice for you, I really, really do-- but I don't. I wish you luck with this difficult problem.

That is nice to hear that you still love her and find her attractive I like to hear that

How frustrating! I think this is a valuable lesson for women. Self deprecation helps no one.

Thanks for the comments everyone. Most of your suggestions I have tried, except for one, and that is from nrcsguy. I will put a classified in the paper with her picture, and let you all know how it went early next week. As for showing her what I wrote here, well, I`m a little hesitant, as we have been over it all a thousand times in counselling and private. Knowing my lady she may get dark on me for posting our issues on the net, regardless of the fact that this community is totally annonymous.<br />
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Thanks again. And please ladies, do love yourselves.

HAve you tried to tell har everything I mean everything you have said on here. Maybe give it to her in a letter so she would have to read it before she could say anything.

It's nice to see that a man can truely let out his sensitive side every now and then. I hope your wife comes around real soon for you. All I can say is keep trying. Good luck

if she feels that the media dictates how pretty a woman is. Why not place an ad in the paper, with her picture on it. And let the world know they think she's pretty. Use your own words, song writer. Let her see it, and she has to believe it since they printed it.

Hey<br />
Thanks for that. U have hit the nail on the head. We are sometimes too quick to agree with newspapers media etc we are over weight buck toothed and not like a jolie k moss etc ettc.<br />
WHO CARES unfortunately we do take note why oh why..<br />
Your wife is fortunate to have u in her life ..have u shown her your posting? No I think not..<br />
Get her to see how u feel..u have so eloquently your current situation she should be moved by how she has blocked your life as intimate sexual sentient loving partners.<br />
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Why does this happen with some longterm relationships? Women wake up and LOVE yourselves so you can love the onw your with.

Thanks for sharing your story you have given my alot to think about and open my eyes to my true inner beauty