I Want To Find A Partner That Is Right For Me
The book is Wired for Love, and some of the main principles include:
* Creating a couple bubble allows couples to keep each other safe and secure
* Partners can make love and avoid war when the security seeking parts of the brain are put at ease
* Partners relate to one another as securely attached, avoidant attached, or insecurely attached, or even (Hello!) some combination of these…
* Partners who are experts on one another know how to please and soothe one another
* Bedtime, morning and reunion rituals can help couples stay connected (of course, eye contact ~ and for us, very much, nursing!)
* Couples should serve as the primary go-to people for one another
* Partners who want to stay together need to learn to fight well
I found the parts where the author described the “couple bubble” to be especially resonating with me…
“The couple bubble is a mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements. It is an intimate environment that the partners create and sustain together and that implicitly guarantees such things as
♥ “I am not leaving you, and I have your back”
♥ “When you are in distress, I will relieve you, even if I am the one who is causing the distress”
♥ “Our relationship is more important than my need to be right, your performance, your appearance, what other people think or want, or any other competing value”
♥ “WE come first”
“When partners form a couple bubble, both agree on the principles and comport themselves accordingly. For example, I can say that my partner should be available to me whenever I need, but I must make myself available too, without expecting him or her to go first. The couple bubble provides a safe place where you and your partner can always ask each other for help, rely on one another, and share your vulnerabilities. It is your primary means of support and protection. Devote yourself to your partner’s sense of safety and security and not simply to your idea about what that should be. What may make you feel safe and secure may not be what your partner requires from you. Your job is to know what matters to your partner and how to make him or her feel safe and secure.”
“No other relationship comes with the same burdens of expectation, dependency, and needfulness you experience with your primary partner. Herein lies the saving grace, the expectations you and your partner have of each other may be higher, but so are the potential rewards.
Recognize your need to be tethered.
The couple bubble is an agreement to put the relationship before anything and everything else. It means putting your partner’s well being, self esteem, and distress relief first. And it means that your partner does the same for you. You both agree to do it for each other. You have to buy into it and own it fully. You have to be in all the way. It is a pact between partners in which the quid pro quo is to burden one another with the tasks of devotion and caring for the other’s safety , security and well being. You agree to do things for one another that no other person would be willing to do… This mutual burden determines the degree of shared gratitude and valuation you both can experience. When the going gets tough, the couple bubble is something that you can really count on to hold your relationship together. The couple bubble is something you work on and build together. You are each responsible for your end of the deal. You keep it up because you believe in the principle, not merely because your partner is or isn’t willing to do the same.”
This is everything I want, hope for, and wish to have ♡
* Creating a couple bubble allows couples to keep each other safe and secure
* Partners can make love and avoid war when the security seeking parts of the brain are put at ease
* Partners relate to one another as securely attached, avoidant attached, or insecurely attached, or even (Hello!) some combination of these…
* Partners who are experts on one another know how to please and soothe one another
* Bedtime, morning and reunion rituals can help couples stay connected (of course, eye contact ~ and for us, very much, nursing!)
* Couples should serve as the primary go-to people for one another
* Partners who want to stay together need to learn to fight well
I found the parts where the author described the “couple bubble” to be especially resonating with me…
“The couple bubble is a mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements. It is an intimate environment that the partners create and sustain together and that implicitly guarantees such things as
♥ “I am not leaving you, and I have your back”
♥ “When you are in distress, I will relieve you, even if I am the one who is causing the distress”
♥ “Our relationship is more important than my need to be right, your performance, your appearance, what other people think or want, or any other competing value”
♥ “WE come first”
“When partners form a couple bubble, both agree on the principles and comport themselves accordingly. For example, I can say that my partner should be available to me whenever I need, but I must make myself available too, without expecting him or her to go first. The couple bubble provides a safe place where you and your partner can always ask each other for help, rely on one another, and share your vulnerabilities. It is your primary means of support and protection. Devote yourself to your partner’s sense of safety and security and not simply to your idea about what that should be. What may make you feel safe and secure may not be what your partner requires from you. Your job is to know what matters to your partner and how to make him or her feel safe and secure.”
“No other relationship comes with the same burdens of expectation, dependency, and needfulness you experience with your primary partner. Herein lies the saving grace, the expectations you and your partner have of each other may be higher, but so are the potential rewards.
Recognize your need to be tethered.
The couple bubble is an agreement to put the relationship before anything and everything else. It means putting your partner’s well being, self esteem, and distress relief first. And it means that your partner does the same for you. You both agree to do it for each other. You have to buy into it and own it fully. You have to be in all the way. It is a pact between partners in which the quid pro quo is to burden one another with the tasks of devotion and caring for the other’s safety , security and well being. You agree to do things for one another that no other person would be willing to do… This mutual burden determines the degree of shared gratitude and valuation you both can experience. When the going gets tough, the couple bubble is something that you can really count on to hold your relationship together. The couple bubble is something you work on and build together. You are each responsible for your end of the deal. You keep it up because you believe in the principle, not merely because your partner is or isn’t willing to do the same.”
This is everything I want, hope for, and wish to have ♡
By:
smartazsexy
Age:
36-40
,
Female
